IJMC Useful One Liners

                     IJMC - Useful One Liners

I'm sure we've all read enough one liner's to keep us content for years, 
if not for life. Yet these stick out for some reason...maybe cause a 
person could actually use these on a day to day basis! I think my 
favorites are number four and number nineteen. Of course, number twenty 
three always seems appropriate...as Garfield says, he who dies with the 
most toys, wins. I think Tom's still ahead of me. Drat!            -dave

Here are some useful phrases you can use in any situation:

1.	Thank you.  We're all refreshed and challenged by your unique
	point of view.
2.	The fact that no one understands you doesn't mean you're an
3.	I don't know what your problem is, but I'll bet it's hard to
4.	Any connection between your reality and mine is purely
5.	I have plenty of talent and vision.  I just don't give a damn.
6.	I like you.  You remind me of when I was young and stupid.
7.	What am I?  Flypaper for freaks!?
8.	I'm not being rude.  You're just insignificant.
9.	I'm already visualizing the duct tape over your mouth.
10.	Ahhh...I see the fuck-up fairy has visited us again...
11.	I will always cherish the initial misconceptions I had about
12.	It's a thankless job, but I've got a lot of Karma to burn off.
13.	Yes, I am an agent of Satan, but my duties are largely
14.	No, my powers can only be used for good.
15.	How about never?  Is never good for you?
16.	I'm really easy to get along with once you people learn to
	worship me.
17.	You sound reasonable...Time to up my medication.
18.	Are you a fucking ray of sunshine every day?
19.	I'll try being nicer if you'll try being smarter.
20.	I'm out of my mind, but feel free to leave a message...
21.	I don't work here.  I'm a consultant.
22.	Who me?  I just wander from room to room.
23.	My toys!  My toys!  I can't do this job without my toys!
24.	It might look like I'm doing nothing, but at the cellular level
	I'm really quite busy.
25.	At least I have a positive attitude about my destructive habits.
26.	You are validating my inherent mistrust of strangers.
27.	I see you've set aside this special time to humiliate yourself
	in public.
28.	Someday, we'll look back on this, laugh nervously and change the

IJMC April 1999 Archives