IJMC - Keys To Success

Now then, if anyone cares to try to use these so called, "Keys to 
Success" then please send along any success stories you may have. And 
remember, if you're successful, it was the IJMC that brought it to ya. 
Should be worth at least $19.95.                                 -dave







Keys to Success

1. Never walk down the hall without a document in your hands. People with
documents in their hands look like hardworking employees heading for
important meetings.  People with nothing in their hands look like they're
heading for the cafeteria.  People with the newspaper in their hands look
like they're heading for the bathroom. Above all, make sure you carry
loads of stuff home with you at night, thus generating the false
impression that you work longer hours than you do. 

2. Use computers to look busy. Any time you use a computer, it looks like
work to the casual observer. You can send and receive personal e-mail,
calculate your finances and generally have a blast without doing anything
remotely related to work. These aren't exactly the societal benefits that
everybody from the computer revolution expected but they're not bad
either.  When you get caught by your boss --and you will get caught--your
best defense is to claim you're teaching yourself to use the new software,
thus saving valuable training dollars. You're not a loafer, you're a
self-starter.  Offer to show your boss what you learned.  That will make
your boss scurry away like a frightened salamander. 

3. Messy desk. Top management can get away with a clean desk. For the rest
of us, it looks like you're not working hard enough. Build huge piles of
documents around your workspace.  To the observer, last year's work looks
the same as today's work; it's volume that counts. Pile them high and
wide.  If you know somebody is coming to your cubicle, bury the document
you'll need halfway down in an existing stack and rummage for it when
he/she arrives. 
 
4. Voice mail.  Never answer your phone if you have voice mail. People
don't call you just because they want to give you something for
nothing--they call because they want YOU to do work for THEM.  That's no
way to live.  Screen all your calls through voice mail.  If somebody
leaves a voice mail message for you and it sounds like impending work,
respond during lunch hour.  That way, you're hardworking and conscientious
even though you're being a devious weasel. If you diligently employ the
method of screening incoming calls and then returning calls when nobody is
there, this will greatly increase the odds that they will give up or look
for a solution that doesn't involve you. The sweetest voice mail message
you can ever hear is "Ignore my last message. I took care of it."  If your
voice mailbox has a limit on the number of messages it can hold, make sure
you reach that limit frequently.  One way to do that is to never erase any
incoming messages. If that takes too long, send yourself a few messages.
Your callers will hear a recorded message that says, Sorry, this mailbox
is full"--a sure sign that you are a hardworking employee in high demand.