IJMC - Words From Women

After reading the first few of these...I thought I would get in trouble 
with women. After reading the rest of them, I think I'm just going to get 
in trouble with everyone. Which is good, cause it's more fun to get in 
trouble with everyone. Something like that. Say goodnight Dave.

"Goodnight, Dave."                                                  -dave





I'm not offended by all the dumb blonde jokes because I know I'm not
dumb...and I also know that I'm not blonde.--- Dolly Parton

You see a lot of smart guys with dumb women, but you hardly ever see a
smart woman with a dumb guy.---- Erica Jong

I want to have children, but my friends scare me. One of my friends told
me she was in labor for 36 hours. I don't even want to do anything that
feels GOOD for 36 hours.---- Rita Rudner

I figure that if the children are alive when I get home, I've done my
job.---- Roseanne

My husband and I are either going to buy a dog or have a child. We can't
decide to ruin our carpet or ruin our lives.---- Rita Rudner

I was on a date recently, and the guy took me horseback riding. That was
kind of fun, until we ran out of quarters.----- Susie Loucks

I've been on so many blind dates, I should get a free dog.---- Wendy
Liebman

Never lend your car to anyone to whom you have given birth to.---- Erma
Bombeck

I'm not going to vacuum 'til Sears makes one you can ride on.----
Roseanne

I would love to speak a foreign language, but I can't. So I grew hair
under my arms instead.--- Sue Kolinsky

I look just like the girls next door... if you happen to live next door
to an amusement park.----- Dolly Parton

I found out why cats drink out of the toilet. My mother told me it's
because it's cold in there. And I'm like: How did my mother know
THAT?--- Wendy Liebman

I think-therefore I'm single.---- Lizz Winstead

"When women are depressed they either eat or go shopping. Men invade
another country."--- Elayne Boosler

"I base most of my fashion taste on what doesn't itch."--- Gilda Radner

"Behind every successful man is a surprised woman."--- Maryon Pearson

"Our struggle today is not to have a female Einstein get appointed as an
assistant professor. It is for a woman schlemiel to get as quickly
promoted as a male schlemiel."--- Bella Abzug

"In politics, if you want anything said, ask a man; if you want anything
done, ask a woman."--- Margaret Thatcher

"I have yet to hear a man ask for advice on how to combine marriage and
a career."--- Gloria Steinem

Sometimes I wonder if men and women really suit each other. Perhaps they
should live next door and just visit now and then."--- Katharine Hepburn

"I never married because there was no need. I have three pets at home
which answer the same purpose as a husband. I have a dog which growls
every morning, a parrot which swears all afternoon and a cat that comes
home late at night."--- Marie Corelli

"Nagging is the repetition of unpalatable truths."---- Baroness Edith
Summerskill

"If men can run the world, why can't they stop wearing neckties? How
intelligent is it to start the day by tying a little noose around your
neck?"---- Linda Ellerbee

"I am a marvelous housekeeper. Every time I leave a man I keep his
house."--- Zsa Zsa Gabor

If a man speaks in a forest,...... And there is no woman to hear
him,......is he still wrong?