IJMC - The Year's Best T-Shirts

I think some of these aren't quite so timely, and I wonder if there won't 
be better in the next few months (the end of 1998 is greatly exaggerated, 
and we're hoping the same for the end of 1999!). But hey, they're some 
gems in here...just gimme the chocolate, the duct tape, and the 21 year 
old...then a shirt dated 1974, not 1943!                            -dave






     Best T-Shirts of 1998
     
     "Filthy Stinking Rich -- Well, Two Out of Three Ain't Bad"
     
     "Real Men Don't Waste Their Hormones Growing Hair"
     
     "I Speak Fluent Patriarchy But It's Not My Mother Tongue"
     
     "I Used Up All My Sick Days So I Called In Dead"
     
     "Husband and Cat Lost -- Reward for Cat"
     
     "Be Nice to Your Children -- They'll Pick Your Nursing Home"
     
     "Husbands Should Come With Instructions"
     
     "Upon the Advice of My Attorney, My Shirt Bears No Message at This 
      Time"
     
     "Even If You Lead a Good Life, Go to Church and Say Your Prayers, 
      You'll Still Go to St. Louis When You Die"
     
     "I Want It All and I Want It Delivered"
     
     "Life Is Hard; Then You Nap"
     
     "Frankly, Scallop, I Don't Give a Clam" -- seen on Cape Cod
     
     "Bigamy Is Having One Wife Too Many. Monogamy Is the Same"
     
     "I'm Not Suddenly a Dirty Old Man -- I've Been Practicing Since 1943"
     
     "Happiness Is Seeing Your Mother-in-law on a Milk Carton"
     
     "Just Give Me Chocolate and Nobody Gets Hurt"
     
     "Learn from Your Parents' Mistakes -- Use Birth Control"
     
     "60-Year-Old One Owner Needs Parts Make Offer"
     
     "I Was Once a Millionaire But My Mom Gave Away My Baseball Cards"
     
     "If God Had Wanted Me to Touch My Toes, He Would Have Put Them on My 
      Knees"
     
     "If You Can Read This, Thank a Teacher"
     
     "A Nest Isn't Empty Until All Their Stuff Is Out of the Attic"
     
     "That's It! I'm Calling Grandma!" - (seen on an 8 year old)
     
     "Wrinkled Was Not One of the Things I Wanted to Be When I Grew Up"
     
     "My Designated Driver Drove Me to Drink"
     
     "If You Remember the '60s, You Weren't Really There"
     
     "Procrastinate Now"
     
     "Rehab Is for Quitters"
     
     "Re-Elect Nobody"
     
     "Waiting for the Perfect Man" (Printed across a drawing of a 
      skeleton).
     
     "My Husband and I Married for Better or Worse - He Couldn't Do Better 
      and I Couldn't Do Worse"
     
     "My Dog Can Lick Anyone"
     
     "I Have a Degree in Liberal Arts -- Do You Want Fries With That?"
     
     "When the Going Gets Tough, Use Duct Tape"
     
     "Young at Heart -- Slightly Older in Other Places"
     
     "The Boat Sank. Get Over It" (Over a sketch of the Titanic)
     
     "I Didn't Drive My Husband Crazy -- I Flew Him There -- It Was Faster"
     
     "Never Underestimate the Power of Stupid People in Large Groups"
     
     "Party -- My Crib - Two A.M." (On a baby-size shirt)
     
     "I Don't Suffer from Insanity -- I'm a Carrier"
     
     "Finally 21, and Legally Able to Do Everything I've Been Doing Since I 
      Was 15"
     
     "The More I Learn About Women, the More I Love My Car"
     
     "Auntie Em: Hate You. Hate Kansas. Taking the Dog. Dorothy"