IJMC - Just In Time For Monday

In case you thought you were going to have a bad work week, read this. If 
you still think you're going to have a bad work week, that's fine. 
However, if, by Friday, you have had a worse week than this guy, type it 
up and send it in. I'll post any I receive next week.               -dave

P.S. Flip, if you send me any description of your week...I'll post it. :)





FYI-- The "Brian" in the following letter is the son of a Boeing Computer
Systems employee.  The letter is going to his sister and he is a
commercial diver for Global  Divers out of Louisiana.  I must share this
with the world.  Excuse the language and forward as you feel appropriate.
Anytime you think you have had a bad day at the office, remember this
letter...  True story.

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Hi Sue,

Just another note from your bottom dwelling brother. Last week I had a
bad day at the office. Before I can tell you what happened to me, I first
must bore you with a few technicalities of my job. As you know  my office
lies at the bottom of the sea. I wear a suit to the office.  It's a
wetsuit. This time of year the water is quite cool. So what we do to keep
warm is this:

We have a diesel powered industrial water heater. This $20,000 piece of
shit sucks the water out of the sea. It heats it to a delightful temp.
It then pumps it down to the diver through a garden hose which is taped
to the air hose. Now this sounds like a damn good plan, and I've used it
several times with no complaints. What I do, when I get to the bottom and
start working, is I take the hose and stuff it down the back of my neck.
This floods my whole suit with warm water. It's like working in a jacuzzi.

Everything was going well until all of a sudden, my ass started to itch.
So, of course, I scratched it. This only made things worse. Within a few
seconds my ass started to burn. I pulled the hose out from my back, but
the damage was done. In agony I realized what had happened to me. The hot
water machine had sucked up a jellyfish and pumped it into my suit.  This
is even worse than the poison ivy you once had under a cast. Now I had
that hose down my back. I don't have any hair on my  back, so the
jellyfish couldn't get stuck to my back. My ass crack was not as
fortunate. When I scratched what I thought was an itch, I was actually
grinding the jellyfish into my ass. I informed the dive supervisor of my
dilemma over the comms.  His instructions were unclear due to the fact
that he along with 5 other divers were laughing hysterically.  Needless
to say I aborted the dive. I was instructed to make 3 agonizing water
stops totaling 35 minutes before I could come to the surface.  I got to
the surface wearing nothing but my brass helmet. My suit and gear were
tied to the bell. When I got on board the medic, with tears of laughter
running down his face, handed me a tube of cream and told me to shove it
up my ass when I get in the chamber. The cream put the fire out, but I
couldn't shit for two days because my asshole was swollen shut. I later
found out that this could easily have been prevented if the suction hose
was placed on the leeward side of the ship.  Anyway, the next time you
have a bad day at the office, think of me.  Think about how much worse
your day would be if you were to shove a jellyfish up your ass. I hope
you have no bad days at the office. But if you do, I hope that thought
will make it a little more tolerable. Take care, and I hope to hear from
you soon.
                    Love,
                    Brian