IJMC - Words Not To Live By

Sometimes, you find things in the strangest places. Sometimes you never 
find what you're looking for. And then, of course, you always find what 
you're looking for in the last place you look. If you're someone who 
looks past the last place, I don't want to hear about it. Sometimes, it's 
just better not to know.                                            -dave






1.  I can please only one person per day. Today is not your day and
    tomorrow isn't looking good either. 

2.  I don't have an attitude problem.  You have a perception problem! 

3.  I love deadlines.  I especially like the whooshing sound they make
    when they go flying by. 

4.  Two wrongs don't make a right but three rights make a left. 

5.  If swimming is so good for your figure, how do you explain whales? 

6.  Am I getting smart with you?  How would you know? 

7.  The more you run over a dead cat, the flatter it gets. 

8.  I'm not just a gardener, I'm a Plant Manager. 

9.  My reality check bounced. 

10. On the keyboard of life, always keep one finger on the escape key. 

11. I have not yet begun to procrastinate! 

12. You're slower than a herd of turtles stampeding through chunky peanut
    butter. 

13. I don't suffer from stress. I'm a carrier. 

14. I'd explain it to you but your brain would explode. 

15. There are two rules for ultimate success in life: 
      1. Never tell everything you know. 
      2. 

16. I'd give my right arm to be ambidextrous. 

17. Tell me what you need and I'll tell you how to get along without it. 

18. Eagles may soar but weasels don't get sucked into jet engines.