IJMC - Dapper Dave's Rules for Women

As promised (part II) here's Dapper Dave's rules for women. Now, as this 
is the last and final part (for now), you may feel free to vent in full. 
I'll just choose to ignore it. :)                                  -dave








Dave....your feminine side is showing after this last submission. I sure
wish I could show mine...but my feminine side is a dyke <s>.


 Dapper Dave's Rules for Women (abridged):

 1. Everyone pees in the shower. Everyone. Including you.

 2. Everyone farts. Everyone. Including you.

 3. There is no established etiquette concerning farts. We won't sniff
    trying to guess what the "farter" had for breakfast if you won't make
    such a big thing out of a little methane.

 4. Everyone in their lifetime...everyone...has attempted to light a fart.
    It's only those that were smart enough to do it with underwear on
    or in the tub that were able to say "WOW!" and do it again.

 5. Hetero kissing is acceptable. Lesbian kissing is acceptable.
    Homosexual kissing usually avoided. Any kissing with Barbra
    Streisand is a hanging offense.

 6. Men don't keep count. We don't remember who's turn it is to buy,
    who's time it is to drive, who's turn it is to change the diaper.
    A gentle reminder is all that's required. Nagging will only cause
    our memory's priority list to become even more selective. Men
    don't keep count. Live with it.

 7. Women may claim to have a higher IQ than men. But once they
    are both drunk, the man will always be funnier. It's a fact.

 8. They won't admit it, but women's penis envy extends to penmanship:
    they secretly really do wish they could write their names in the snow.

 9. Cut to the chase. Don't whine, fester, wheedle, cavetch, moan, berate
    or beguile. Say what you mean. According to recent psychological studies,
    many times a woman doesn't even know, herself, what she wants.
    If you don't, odds are we don't either. So don't be disappointed when
    we say we don't know what you're talking about. We don't. So there.

10. Lie. Be lovingly deceitful. Keep us in the dark about your true
    feelings. The lies you told in order to lure us into a relationship 
    are just fine. Keep up the charade.  Remember...only a woman wants 
    to change that which she fell in love with.