IJMC - The Rules for Men

Tonight...the rules for men. Tomorrow, the response. Anyone who wants to 
get pissed over these, please wait til tomorrow, then get pissed over 
them both at once, ok? And a quick mention, the IJMC is about to go 
rather PG...my mom is getting a subscription...                    -dave







  "The Rules"
 
 
 
  1. Call.
 
  2. Don't lie.
 
  3.Never tape any of her body parts together.
  
  4. If guys' night out is going to be fun, invite the girls.
 
  5. If guys' night out is going to involve strippers, remember the zoo
     rules:
 
     NO PETTING.
 
  6. The correct answer to "Do I look fat?" is never, ever "Yes."
 
  7. Ditto for "Is she prettier than me?"
 
  8. Victoria's Secret is good. Frederick's of Hollywood is bad.
 
  9. Ordering for her is good. Telling her what she wants is bad.
 
 10. Being attentive is good. Stalking is bad.
 
 11. "Honey", "Darling", and "Sweetheart" are good.
 
     "Nag", "Lardass", and "Bitch" are bad.
 
 12. Talking is good. Shouting is bad. Slapping is a felony.
 
 13. A grunt is seldom an acceptable answer to any question.
 
 14. None of your ex-girlfriends were ever nicer, prettier, or better in
     bed.
 
 15. Her cooking is excellent.
 
 16. That isn't an excuse for you to avoid cooking.
 
 17. Dish soap is your friend.
 
 18. Hat does not equal shower, aftershave does not equal soap, and warm
     does not equal clean.
 
 19. Buying her dinner does not equal foreplay.
 
 20. Answering "Who was that on the phone?" with "Nobody" is never going
     to end that conversation.
 
 21. Ditto for "Whose lipstick is this?"
 
 22. Two words: clean socks.
 
 23. Believe it or not, you're probably not more attractive when you're
     drunk.
 
 24. Burping is not sexy.
 
 25. You're wrong.
 
 26. You're sorry.
 
 27. She is probably less impressed by your discourse on your cool car
     than you think she is.
 
 28. Ditto for your discourse on football.
 
 29. Ditto for your ability to jump up and hit any awning in a single
     bound.
 
 30. "Will you marry me?" is good. "Let's shack up together" is bad.
 
 31. Don't assume PMS is the cause for every bad mood.
 
 32. Don't assume PMS doesn't exist.
 
 33. No means No. Yes means Yes. Silence could mean anything she feels
     like at that particular moment in time, and it could change without 
     notice.

 34. "But, we kiss..." is not justification for using her toothbrush. You
     don't clean plaque with your tongue.
 
 35. Never let her walk anywhere alone after 11pm.
 
 36. Chivalry and feminism are NOT mutually exclusive.
 
 37. Pick her up at the airport. Don't whine about it, just do it.
 
 38. If you want to break up with her, break up with her. Don't act like
     a complete jerk until she does it for you.
 
 39. Don't tell her you love her if you don't.
 
 40. Tell her you love her if you do. Often.
 
 41. Always, always suck up to her brother.
 
 42. Think boxers.
 
 43. Silk boxers.
 
 44. Remember Valentine's Day, and any cheesy "anniversary" she so-names.
 
 45. Don't try to change the way she dresses.
 
 46. Her haircut is never bad.
 
 47. Don't let your friends pick on her.
 
 (please note that the following two have been mentioned not once, but
 twice)
 
 48. Call.
 
 49. Don't lie.
 
 50. The rules are never fair. Accept this without question.
 
 
 The fact that she has to go through labor while you sit in the
 waiting room on your ass smoking cigars isn't fair either, and it 
 balances everything out.