IJMC - One Week At the Help Desk

I work in the computer industry (ok, technically...I worked in the 
computer industry...) and this scares me. It kinda fits the stories I've 
heard and the support I've seen. It all makes sense now. Yipes.    -dave








Monday

8:05am
     User called to say they forgot password. Told them to use password
retrieval utility called FDISK. Blissfully ignorant, they thank me and
hang up.God, we let the people vote and drive, too? 

8:12am
     Accounting called to say they couldn't access expense reports
database. Gave them Standard Sys Admin Answer #112, Well, it works for me.
Let them rant and rave while I unplugged my coffeemaker from the UPS and
plugged their server back in. Suggested they try it again. One more happy
customer... 

8:14am
     User from 8:05 call said they received error message Error accessing
Drive 0. Told them it was an OS problem. Transferred them to microsupport. 

11:00am
     Relatively quiet for last few hours. Decide to plug support phone
back in so I can call my girlfriend. Says parents are coming into town
this weekend. Put her on hold and transferred her to janitorial closet
down in basement. What is she thinking? The Myst and Doom nationals are
this weekend! 

11:34am
     Another user calls (do they ever learn?). Says they want ACL changed
on HR performance review database so that nobody but HR can access
database. Tell them no problem. Hang up. Change ACL. Add @MailSend so
performance reviews are sent to */US. 

12:00pm
     Lunch

3:30pm
     Return from lunch.

3:55pm
     Wake up from nap. Bad dream makes me cranky. Bounce servers for no
reason. Return to napping. 

4:23pm
     Yet another user calls. Wants to know how to change fonts on form.
Ask them what chip set they're using. Tell them to call back when they
find out. 

4:55pm
     Decide to run "Create Save/Replication Conflicts" macro so next shift
has something to do. 


Tuesday

8:30am
     Finish reading support log from last night. Sounded busy. Terrible
time with Save/Replication conflicts. 

9:00am
     Support manager arrives. Wants to discuss my attitude. Click on
PhoneNotes SmartIcon. Love to, but kinda busy. Put something in the
calendar database! I yell as I grab for the support lines, which have
(mysteriously) lit up. Walks away grumbling. 

9:35pm
     Team leader from R&D needs ID for new employee. Tell them they need
form J-19R=9C9\\DARR\K1. Say they never heard of such a form.  Tell them
it's in the SPECIAL FORMS database. Say they never heard of such a
database. Transfer them to janitorial closet in basement. 

10:00am
     Perky sounding intern from R&D calls and says she needs new ID. Tell
her I need employee number, department name, manager name, and marital
status. Run @DbLookup against state parole board database, Centers for
Disease Control database, and my Oprah Winfrey database. No hits. Tell her
ID will be ready tonight. Drawing from the lessons learned in last week's
Reengineering for Customer Partnership I offer to personally deliver ID to
her apartment. 

10:07am
     Janitor stops by to say he keeps getting strange calls in basement.
Offer to train him on Notes. Begin now. Let him watch console while I grab
a smoke. 

1:00pm
     Return from smoking break. Janitor says phones kept ringing, so he
transferred them to cafeteria lady. I like this guy. 

1:05pm
     Big commotion! Support manager falls in hole left where I pulled
floor tiles outside his office door. Stress to him importance of not
running in computer room, even if I do yell Omigod -- Fire! 

1:15pm
     Development Standards Committee calls and complains about umlauts in
form names. Apologizing for the inconvenience, I tell them I will fix it.
Hang up and run global search/replace using gaks. 

1:20pm
     Mary Hairnet from cafeteria calls. Says she keeps getting calls for
Notice Loads or NoLoad Goats, she's not sure, couldn't hear over
industrial-grade blender. Tell her it was probably Lettuce Nodes. Maybe
the food distributor with a new product? She thinks about it and hangs up. 

2:00pm
     Legal secretary calls and says she lost password. Ask her to check in
her purse, floor of car, and on bathroom counter. Tell her it probably
fell out of back of machine. Suggest she put duct tape over all the
airvents she can find on the PC. Grudgingly offer to create new ID for her
while she does that. 

2:49pm
     Janitor comes back. Wants more lessons. I take off rest of day.


Wednesday

8:30am
     Irate user calls to say chipset has nothing to do with fonts on form.
Tell them of course, they should have been checking Bitset, not chipset. 
Sheepish user apologizes and hangs up. 

9:10am
     Support manager, with foot in cast, returns to office. Schedules
10:00am meeting with me. User calls and wants to talk to support manager
about terrible help at support desk. Tell them manager about to go into
meeting. Sometimes life hands you material... 

10:00am
     Call Louie in janitorial services to cover for me. Go to support
manager's office. He says he can't dismiss me but can suggest several
lateral career moves. Most involve farm implements in third-world
countries with moderate to heavy political turmoil. By and by, I ask if
he's aware of new bug which takes full-text indexed random e-mail
databases and puts all references to furry handcuffs and Bambi Boomer in
Marketing on the corporate Web page.  Meeting is adjourned as he reaches
for keyboard, Web browser, and Tums. 

10:30am
     Tell Louie he's doing great job. Offer to show him mainframe
corporate PBX system sometime. 

11:00am
     Lunch.

4:55pm
     Return from lunch.

5:00pm
     Shift change; Going home.


Thursday

8:00am
     New guy (Marvin) started today. "Nice plaids" I offer. Show him
Server room, wiring closet, and technical library. Set him up with IBM
PC-XT. Tell him to quit whining, Notes runs the same in both monochrome
and color. 

8:45am
     New guy's PC finishes booting up. Tell him I'll create new ID for
him. Set minimum password length to 64. Go grab smoke. 

9:30am
     Introduce Louie the custodian to Marvin. Nice plaids Louie comments.
Is this guy great or what?! 

11:00am
     Beat Louie in dominos game. Louie leaves. Fish spare dominos out of
sleeves (Always have backups). User calls, says Accounting server is down.
Untie Ethernet cable from radio antenna (better reception) and plug back
into hub. Tell user to try again. Another happy customer! 

11:55am
     Brief Marvin on Corporate Policy 98.022.01:  Whereas all new
employees beginning on days ending in 'Y' shall enjoy all proper aspects
with said corporation, said employee is obligated to provide substance and
relief to senior technical analyst on shift. Marvin doubts. I point to
Corporate Policy database (a fine piece of work, if I say so myself!).
Remember, that's DOUBLE pepperoni and NO peppers! I yell to Marvin as he
steps over open floor tile to get to exit door. 

1:00pm
     Oooooh! Pizza makes me so sleepy...

4:30pm
     Wake from refreshing nap. Catch Marvin scanning want ads.

5:00pm
     Shift change. Flick HR's server off and on several times (just
testing the On/Off button...). See ya tomorrow. 


Friday

8:00am
     Night shift still trying to replace power supply in HR server. Told
them it worked fine before I left. 

9:00am
     Marvin still not here. Decide I might start answering these calls
myself. Unforward phones from Mailroom. 

9:02am
     Yep. A user call. Users in Des Moines can't replicate. Me and the
Oiuji board determine it's sunspots. Tell them to call telecommunications. 

9:30am
     Good God, another user! They're like ants. Says he's in San Diego and
can't replicate with Des Moines. Tell him it's sunspots, but with a
two-hour difference. Suggest he reset the time on the server back two
hours. 

10:17am
     Pensacola calls. Says they can't route mail to San Diego. Tell them
to set server ahead three hours. 

11:00am
     E-mail from corporate says for everybody to quit resetting the time
on their servers. I change the date stamp and forward it to Milwaukee. 

11:20am
     Finish @CoffeeMake macro. Put phone back on hook.

11:23am
     Milwaukee calls, asks what day it is.

11:25am
     Support manager stops by to say Marvin called in to quit. So hard to
get good help... I respond. Support manager says he has appointment with
orthopedic doctor this afternoon, and asks if I mind sitting in on the
weekly department head meeting for him. No problem! 

11:30am
     Call Louie and tell him opportunity knocks and he's invited to a
meeting this afternoon. Yeah, sure. You can bring your snuff I tell him. 

12:00am
     Lunch.

1:00pm
     Start full backups on UNIX server. Route them to device NULL to make
them fast. 

1:03pm
     Full weekly backups done. Man, I love modern technology!

2:30pm
     Look in support manager's contact management database. Cancel 2:45pm
appointment for him. He really should be at home resting, you know. 

2:39pm
     New user calls. Says want to learn how to create a connection
document. Tell them to run connection document utility CTRL-ALT-DEL. Says
PC rebooted. Tell them to call microsupport. 

2:50pm
     Support manager calls to say mixup at doctor's office means
appointment cancelled. Says he's just going to go on home. Ask him if he's
seen corporate Web page lately. 

3:00pm
     Another (novice) user calls. Says periodic macro not working. Suggest
they place @DeleteDocument at end of formula. Promise to send them
document addendum which says so. 

4:00pm
     Finish changing foreground color in all documents to white. Also set
point size to 2 in help databases. 

4:30pm
     User calls to say they can't see anything in documents. Tell them to
go to view, do a Edit -- Select All, hit delete key, and then refresh.
Promise to send them document addendum which says so. 

4:45pm
     Another user calls. Says they can't read help documents. Tell them
I'll fix it. Hang up. Change font to Wingdings. 

4:58pm
     Plug coffee maker into Ethernet hub to see what happens. Not (too)
much. 

5:00pm
     Night shift shows up. Tell that the hub is acting funny and to have a
good weekend. Cheers