IJMC Why Computers Must Have Sex

                  IJMC - Why Computers Must Have Sex

Excited yet? Can you imagine that slate grey or beige box of yours 
engaged in carnal relations with another? Well, you belong somewhere else 
because tonight's IJMC is about why computers must be either male or 
female. Sorry if I got your hopes up...                             -dave


 Notice that the second set of ten refers to "compilers", not computers. 

    Top 10 reasons computers must be male:  
    10.  They have a lot of data but are still clueless.
     9.  A better model is always just around the corner.
     8.  They look nice and shiny until you bring them home.  
     7.  It is always necessary to have a backup.
     6.  They'll do whatever you say if you push the right buttons.
     5.  The best part of having either one is the games you can play.  
     4.  In order to get their attention, you have to turn them on.
     3.  The lights are on but nobody's home.
     2.  Big power surges knock them out for the night.  
     1.  Size does matter

    OK....OK........Here's the quid pro quo: 

     Top 10 reasons compilers must be female:  
    10.  Picky, picky, picky.
     9.  They hear what you say, but not what you mean.  
     8.  Beauty is only shell deep.
     7.  When you ask what's wrong, they say "nothing".
     6.  Can produce incorrect results with alarming speed.
     5.  Always turning simple statements into big productions.  
     4.  Smalltalk is important.
     3.  You do the same thing for years, and suddenly it's wrong.  
     2.  They make you take the garbage out.
     1.  Miss a period and they go wild 

IJMC May 1998 Archives