IJMC Top Ten Signs God Is Appearing On Your TV

           IJMC - Top Ten Signs God Is Appearing On Your TV

So what do you say when people are watching the creation of a nightly 
IJMC? Not much other than, "Hi Alyssa, Pete, and Ben." Good night, 
Alyssa, Pete, and Ben. No, really, I mean that. G'night.        -dave

P.S. I apologize about the advertisement. I kinda felt that I should keep 
the original intact, even with the advertisement. Say "g'night dave." 
G'night dave.




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                         March 31, 1998


          The Top 16 Signs God is Appearing on Your TV



16> "See Rabbi Schwartz, Father Flanagan, and Master Yogi in a
    theological grudge match in the Steel Confessional of Death
    in Biblemania XIV!"

15> That "John 3:16" guy at the football game is now holding a
    sign saying "Channel 5, right now!"

14> The Weather Channel broadcasting 24-hour a day "Ark Advisory."

13> Bearded guy in the window outside "The Today Show" keeps
    sending telepathic messages.

12> NBC starts plugging "THOU SHALT SEE TV"

11> That older gentleman announcing the new "Fig Leaf Policy" on
    the Playboy channel ain't Hef.

10> At last, somebody smote those idiotic Mentos commercials!!

 9> Guest on Entertainment Tonight squashes James Cameron like
    a bug, raises arms and exclaims, "No, *I'm* the king of the
    world!"

 8> MTV's Vatican Spring Break '98

 7> Maximum possible Jeopardy score: $783,200.
    Contestant who looks like George Burns: $700,000 and climbing.

 6> Flurry of white people sighted on UPN and WB networks.

 5> Jerry Springer only gets out the words "Today our topic is..."
    before he bursts into flames.

 4> For sixth straight day, "Kenny G. live from Branson" cancelled
    due to technical difficulties.

 3> When Oprah says "My next guest wrote his bestselling book
    thousands of years ago, and he hasn't been seen in public
    since," she ain't talking about Salinger!

 2> Your first two clues?  Mohammed as sidekick and Buddha as
    bandleader.


    and the Number 1 Sign God is Appearing on Your TV...


 1> Normally standoffish Amish family from down the street
    drops by with a bundt cake and a bottle of Amaretto.


[ This list copyright 1998 by Chris White and Ziff Davis, Inc. ]
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                   Ruminations & Ponderances

           I once thought that if I had all the money
         in the world, I would give some to my friends,
         but that would be pretty stupid, because then
      I wouldn't have all the money in the world anymore.

                    (Thanks to Sheryl Adsit)

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