IJMC And A Role Model For All

                   IJMC - And A Role Model For All

These are starting to become tired, but I figure if the media doesn't 
have to give up on rehasing tasteless material that no one cares about 
then neither do I! I do feel sorry for all of the young drivers whose 
parents read this and conclude that the problem could be solved by not 
letting said young drivers borrow the car...                     -dave

Legally Correct

Somewhere in America, next week: 

DAD - Son, come in here, we need to talk. 

SON - What's up, Dad? 

DAD - There's a scratch down the side of the car. Did
      you do it? 

SON - I don't believe; if I understand the definition
      of "scratch the car"; that I can say, truthfully,
      that I scratched the car. 

DAD - Well, it wasn't there yesterday, and you drove
      the car last night, and no one else has driven it
      since. How can you explain the scratch? 

SON - Well, as I've said before, I have no recollection
      of scratching the car. While it is true that I did
      take the car out last night, I did not scratch it. 

DAD - But your sister, Monica, has told me she saw you
      back the car against the mailbox at the end of the
      driveway, heard a loud scraping sound, saw you get
      out to examine the car, and then drive away. So
      again I'll ask you, yes or no, did you scratch the

SON - Oh, you mean you think you have evidence to prove
      I scratched it. Well, you see, I understood you to
      mean did "I" scratch the car. I stand by my earlier
      statement, that I did not scratch the car. 

DAD - Are you trying to tell me you didn't drive the
      car into the mailbox? 

SON - Well, you see sir, I was trying to drive the car
      into the street. I mishandled the steering of the
      car, and it resulted in direct contact with the
      mailbox, though that was clearly not my intent. 

DAD - So you are then saying that you did hit the mailbox?

SON - No sir, that's not my statement. I'll refer you
      back to my original statement that I did not scratch
      the car. 

DAD - But the car did hit the mailbox, and the car did
      get scratched as a result of this contact? 

SON - Well, yes, I suppose you could look at it that

DAD - So you lied to me when you said you did not scratch
      the car? 

SON - No. No, that's not correct. Your question was
      "Did I scratch the car?"  From a strict legal
      definition, as I understood the meaning of that
      sentence, I did not scratch the car... the mailbox
      did... I was merely present when the scratching
      occurred. So my answer of "No" when you asked "Did
      I scratch the car" was legally correct, although I 
      did not volunteer information. 

DAD - Where in the heck did you learn to be such a liar?

SON - From The President of the United States. 

DAD - I see. 

IJMC December 1998 Archives