IJMC Is It Monday Yet?

                     IJMC - Is It Monday Yet?

Ok, here's a real downer to start your week off. Kind of like the one I 
got several times about how if you could eat the same food every day and 
always sleep in the same place and a bunch of other things...well, then 
you were as good as your cat or dog. Happy Monday everyone.        -dave

Cynics Guide to Life

The journey of a thousand miles begins with a broken fan belt and a leaky

I believe for every drop of rain that falls, a flower grows. And a 
foundation leaks and a ball game gets rained out and a car rusts


Follow your dream! Unless it's the one where you're at work in your 
underwear during a fire drill.

Always take time to stop and smell the roses... and sooner or later, you'll 
inhale a bee.

Do not walk behind me, for I may not lead. Do not walk ahead of me, for I 
may not follow. Do not walk beside me, either, just leave me alone.

If you don't like my driving, don't call anyone. Just take another road. 
That's why the highway department made so many of them.

If a motorist cuts you off, just turn the other cheek. Nothing gets the 
message across like a good mooning.

When I'm feeling down, I like to whistle. It makes the neighbor's dog run 
to the end of his chain and gag himself.

It's always darkest before dawn.  So if you're going to steal the
neighbor's newspaper, that's the time to do it.

A handy telephone tip: Keep a small chalkboard near the phone. That way,
when a salesman calls, you can hold the receiver up to it and run your 
fingernails across it until he hangs up.

Each day I try to enjoy something from each of the four food groups: the 
bonbon group, the salty-snack group, the caffeine group, and the 
whatever-the-thing-in-the-tinfoil-in-the-back-of-the-fridge-is" group.

Into every life some rain must fall. Usually when your car windows are 

Just remember... You gotta break some eggs to make a real mess on the 
neighbor's car!

When you find yourself getting irritated with someone, try to remember that 
all men are brothers... and just give them a noogie or an Indian burn.

This morning I woke up to the unmistakable scent of pigs in a blanket. 
That's the price I pay for letting the relatives stay over.

It's a small world. So you gotta use your elbows a lot.

Keep your nose to the grindstone and your shoulder to the wheel...it's 
cheaper than plastic surgery.

This land is your land. This land is my land. So stay on your land.

Love is like a roller coaster: when it's good you don't want to get off, 
and when it isn't... you can't wait to throw up.

IJMC April 1998 Archives