IJMC - A Day Late

For anyone who noticed, your IJMC is arriving a day late. My computer 
stands before me sans case but working again...and with a new hard drive. 
So, go figure, the IJMC got missed yesterday. Shucks.               -dave








IN THE BAG
A "tourist," supposedly on a golf holiday, stood in line at
the customs counter. While making idle chatter, the customs
official thought it odd that the golfer didn't know what a
handicap was. The officer then asked the tourist to
demonstrate his swing. He did - backwards. A substantial
amount of narcotics were found in the golf bag.

MADE FOR TV
Guns For Hire, an Arizona company specializing in staged
gunfights for Western movies, got a call from a 47-year-old
woman who wanted to have her husband shot. She was
sentenced to four years in jail.

DO YOU ACCEPT CREDIT CARDS?
A Texan convicted of robbery worked out a deal to pay $9600
in damages rather than serve a two-year prison sentence. For
payment, he provided the court a forged check. He got his
prison term back, plus eight more years.

YOU MEAN ME?
A pair of Michigan robbers entered a record shop nervously
waving revolvers. The first one shouted, "Nobody move!"  When
his partner moved, the startled first bandit shot him.

DEADHEADS
A man in Orange County Municipal Court had been ticketed for
driving alone in the carpool lane. He claimed that the four
frozen cadavers in the mortuary van he was driving should be
counted. The judged ruled that passengers must be alive to
qualify.

THIS WOULD BE ME
The judge called the case of People vs. Steven Lewon Crook.
The bailiff opened the door to the holding cell and called,
"Crook, come forward." Five of the prisoners entered the
courtroom.

LEARN YOUR LESSON
When asked for her occupation, a woman charged with a
traffic violation said she was a schoolteacher. The judge
rose from the bench. "Madam, I have waited years for a
schoolteacher to appear before this court," he smiled with
delight. "Now sit down at that table and write 'I will not
pass through a red light' five hundred times."

AHH, THAT'S BETTER!
A judge in Louisville decided a jury went "a little bit too
far" in recommending a sentence of 5,005 years for a man who
was convicted of five robberies and a kidnapping. The judge
reduced the sentence to 1,001 years.