IJMC - Lawyers, Lawyers, Lawyers

It's been a while, but here's a few lawyer jokes. I think the first one 
has seen the IJMC throngs before, but the second two are new to me. But 
thn, as my friend says, the second thing to go is your memory. I can't 
remember what the first thing was.                                -dave






      A lawyer died and arrived at the pearly gates.  To his dismay,
there were thousands of people ahead of him in line to see St. Peter. To
his surprise, St. Peter left his desk at the gate and came down the long
line to where the laywer was, and greeted him warmly.  Then St. Peter
and one of his assistants took the lawyer by the hands and guided him up
to the front of the line, and into a comfortable chair by his desk.  The
lawyer said, "I don't mind all this attention, but what makes me so
special?"
      St. Peter replied, "Well, I've added up all the hours for which
you billed your clients, and by my calculation you must be about 193
years old!"

 
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      A Russian, a Cuban, an American and a Lawyer are in a train.  The
Russian takes a bottle of the Best Vodka out of his pack; pours some
into a glass, drinks it, and says:  "In USSR, we have the best vodka of
the world, nowhere in the world you can find Vodka as good as the one we
produce in Ukrainia.  And we have so much of it, that we can just throw
it away..."  Saying that, he open the window and throw the rest of the
bottle thru it.  All the others are quite impressed.
      The Cuban takes a pack of Havanas, takes one of them, lights it
and begins to smoke it saying:  "In Cuba, we have the best cigars of the
world:  Havanas, nowhere in the world there is so many and so good
cigars and we have so much of them, that we can just throw them
away..."  Saying that, he throws the pack of havanas thru the window. 
One more time, everybody is quite impressed.
      At this time, the American just stands up, opens the window, and
throws the lawyer through it...


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The lawyer is standing at the gate to Heaven and St. Peter is listing his
sins: 

1) Defending a large corporation in a pollution suit where he knew they
were guilty.

2) Defending an obviously guilty murderer because the fee was high.

3) Overcharging fees to many clients.

4) Prosecuting an innocent woman because a scapegoat was needed in a
controversial case.

And the list goes on for quite awhile.

    The lawyer objects and begins to argue his case.  He admits all
these things, but argues, "Wait, I've done some charity in my life
also." 

    St. Peter looks in his book and says, "Yes, I see.  Once you gave a
dime to a panhandler and once you gave an extra nickel to the shoeshine boy,
correct?"  

    The lawyer gets a smug look on his face and replies, "Yes." 

    St. Peter turns to the angel next to him and says, "Give this guy 15
cents and tell him to go to hell."