IJMC - Uhh, What Does That Mean?

Before I say anything else, don't even ask where the rest of these are. I 
don't know, I only have from P-Z. If anyone has the rest, feel free to 
send them along and I'll make sure everyone else gets them...       -dave







WAYS TO DESCRIBE OUR MORE CEREBRALLY CHALLENGED FRIENDS
   (how to say someone is a bit stupid -- sayings beginning P-Z)

 Paged/swapped out.
 Paralyzed from the neck up.
 Parked his head and forgot where he left it. 
 Pedalling real fast, but not getting anywhere. 
 Permanently out to lunch.
 Permanently rotated 90 degrees from the rest of us. 
 Pins 2 and 3 (RS-232) permanently connected to ground. 
 Playing an endgame with a king and no other pieces. 
 Playing baseball with a rubber bat.
 Playing hockey with a warped puck.
 Playing Scrabble, but we can't figure out what words he's building. 
 Plays pinochle with a poker deck.
 Plays solitaire... for cash.
 Plays tennis with no net and finds it challenging.
 Posts empty articles to Usenet, and enjoys rereading them later. 
 Pressure's up, but there's a slow leak somewhere.
 Proof that evolution *can* go in reverse.
 Put a lens in each ear and you've got a telescope.
 Puts a finger in his ear so the draft through his head isn't annoying. 
 Putting his brain on the edge of a razor blade would be like
    putting a pea on a six lane highway.
 Racing fifty yards with a pregnant woman, he'd come in third. 
 Reading from an empty/blank/unformatted disk.
 Reads Homer in the original Greek, but doesn't know Greek. 
 Ready to check in at the HaHa Hilton.
 Ready to join the Anti-Mensa Society. 
 Receiver is off the hook.
 Relatively three-dimensional, as fictional characters go. 
 Renewable energy source for hot air balloons.
 Reset line is glitching.
 Result of a first cousin marriage.
 Room for rent, unfurnished.
 RS232C brain with a DIN connector.
 Running at 300 baud.
 Running on empty.
 Running U.S. appliances on British current. 
 Runs squares around the competition.
 Rusty springs in the mousetrap.
 Sailboat fuel for brains.
 Sat under the ozone hole too long.
 Sending back packets, but the checksums are wrong. 
 Seven seconds behind, and built to stay that way. 
 Several nuts short of a full pouch.
 She wears a pony tail to cover up the valve stem. 
 Short a few cards.
 Short-circuited between the earphones.
 Should have kept his helmet on while riding / playing. 
 Single-sided, low density.
 Skating on the wrong side of the ice. 
 Skylight leaks a little.
 Slept too close to his radium-dial watch. 
 Slinky's kinked.
 Sloppy as a soup sandwich.
 Slow as molasses in January.
 Smoke doesn't make it to the top of his chimney. 
 So boring, his dreams have Muzak.
 So dim, his psychic carries a flashlight. 
 So dumb, he faxes face up.
 So fat, people jump over him rather than go around. 
 So slow he has to speed up to stop.
 So stupid, mind readers charge her half price. 
 Solid concrete from the eyebrows backwards. 
 Some bugs in his software.
 Some drink from the fountain of knowledge, but he just gargled. 
 Some pages missing.
 Someone blew out his pilot light.
 Someone else is doing the driving for that boy. 
 Someone let the air out of her lock.
 Sort of like an inverse Einstein.
 Source code is missing a few lines.
 Stocksy-babes (a truly vile British-slang insult). 
 Strong like bull, smart like streetcar.
 Subtle as a well-thrown brick.
 Suffers from Clue Deficit Disorder.
 Surfing in Nebraska.
 Swimming in the shallow end of the gene pool. 
 Switch is on, but no one's receiving.
 Teflon brain -- nothing sticks.
 The best part of him ran down his mother's legs. -- Jackie Gleason 
 The butter slipped off his noodle.
 The cheese slid off his cracker.
 The fan is working but the freon's leaked out. 
 The going got weird, and he turned pro.
 The heater's plugged in but the rheostat's shot. 
 The spit valve's fallen off his trumpet again.
 The twinkle in his eyes is actually the sun shining between his ears. 
 The wheel's spinning but the hamster's dead.
 There's nothing wrong with you that couldn't be cured
      with a little Prozac and a polo mallet. -- Woody Allen
 Thick as a brick.
 Thinks at 5 baud.
 Thinks cellular phones are carbon-based life forms. 
 Thinks e=mc_2 is a rap star.
 thinks in lower case and types accordingly 
 Thinks like a boar hog looks at a wristwatch. 
 Thinks Moby Dick is a kind of venereal disease. 
 Three chickens short of a henhouse.
 Too many birds on her antenna.
 Too many jokers and not enough aces in his deck. 
 Too much yardage between the goal posts.
 Top paddock is full of rocks.
 Toys in the attic.
 Train of thought derailed / still boarding at the station. 
 Traveling faster than light, but left his sneakers behind. 
 Trying out for the javelin retrieval team.
 Tuning in shortwave with a TV antenna. 
 Two bits shy of a word.
 Two chapters short of a novel.
 Two degrees off square.
 Two inches taller than spherical.
 Two pages short of a novel.
 Two saucers short of a tea-service.
 Two sheep short of a sweater.
 Two socks short of a pair.
 Two suits short of a full deck (a half-wit). 
 Ugly as a warthog and half as smart.
 Unclear which of Newton's three laws of motion keeps his ears apart. 
 Useful as a hip pocket on a T-shirt.
 Useful as an ashtray on a motorcycle. 
 Useful as tits on a bull / boar-hog.
 Uses his head to keep the rain out of his neck.
 Using a 1S-2D floppy for brains in a world of hard disks. 
 Vacancy on the top floor.
 Was born an acrobat but landed on his head.
 Was first in line for brains, but ended up holding the door open. 
 Was left on the Tilt-A-Whirl a bit too long as a baby.
 Was napping in the nut pile the day God was cracking nuts. 
 Wasn't abused as a child, but should have been.
 Wasn't strapped in during launch.
 Watches "Beavis and Butthead" to learn vocabulary.
 Went in for repairs but wasn't tightened with a torque wrench. 
 With one more neuron he'd have a synapse.
 Would make an excellent illustration in a proctology textbook. 
 Zero K memory.