IJMC - More in the Two-For-One Series

One of the IJMC's new submitters seems to enjoy sending two jokes in 
every message. More power to the rest of you, I'm too lazy to seperate 
them into two seperate posts...it just means you've got to remember to 
pass to the end for the second joke if you get tired of the first 
one...it's a long one but I liked it...although, I'd love to see if any 
of these "Chinese Definitions" translate into anything intelligible. 
Anyone care to try?                                               -dave







CHINESE DICTIONARIES 

=================== 
Are you harboring a Fugitive?            HU YU HAI DING? 

Approach me                              KUM HIA 

Stupid fellow                            DUM GAI 

Small horse                              TAI NI PO NI 

Prices are too high here                 NO BAI DAM TING 

Miami vacationing agreed with you        YA MAI TI TAN 

I bumped into a coffee table             AI BANG MAI NI 

Have you considered a face lift?         CHIN TU FAT 

You trying to save electricity?          WAI SO DIM? 

Inquiry to determine if bus is due       HAO LONG WEI TING? 

Unauthorized execution                   LIN CHING 

Plaything belonging to ancient emperor   MING TOY 

You're blowing your diet                 WAI YU MUN CHING? 

Keep out of pond                         NOH WEI DING 

Tow-Away zone                            NO PAH KING 

Don't you know anything by Cole Porter?  WAI YU SING DUM SONG? 

You are not very bright                  YU SO DUM 

I have a press pass                      AI NO PEI 

I do not deserve the death penalty       WAI HANG MI? 

How about staying awhile?                WAI GO NAO? 

Our meeting was for next Thursday        WAI YU KUM NAO? 

You're suffering from chronic halitosis  YU BAI SEN SEN NAO 

They are approaching                     HIA DEI KUM 

Remain out of sight                      LEI LO 

Cleaning automobile                      WA SHING KAH 

Premature infant                         TAI NI BEI BI 

Cigarettes are hazardous to health       NO TSMO KING 

Did someone fertilize the field?         HU FLUNG DUNG? 

Your body odor is offensive              SHU MAN GO 

Midnight television Program              LEI TSHO 


************************************


A keen country lad applied for a salesman's job at a city department 
store. In fact it was the biggest store in the world - you could get 
anything there. 

The boss asked  him, "Have you ever been a salesman before?" 

"Yes, I was a salesman in the country," said the lad.  

The boss liked the cut of him and said, "You can start tomorrow and I'll
come and see you when we close up." 

The day was long and arduous for the young man, but finally 5 o'clock came
around. The boss duly fronted up and asked, "How many sales did you make
today?" 

"One," said the young salesman. 

"Only one," blurted the boss.  "Most of my staff make 20 or 30 sales a day.
How much was the sale worth?" 

"Three hundred thousand dollars," said the young man. 

"How did you manage that?" asked the flabbergasted boss. 

"Well," said the salesman "this man came in and I sold him a small fish
hook, then a medium hook and finally a really large hook. Then I sold him
a small fishing line, a medium one and a huge big one.  I asked him where
he was going fishing and he said down the coast. I said he would probably
need a boat, so I took him down to the boat department and sold him that
twenty foot schooner with the twin engines.  Then he said his Volkswagen
probably wouldn't be able to pull it, so I took him to the car department
and sold him the new Deluxe Cruiser." 

The boss took two steps back and asked in astonishment, "You sold all that
to a guy who came in for a fish hook?" 

"No," answered the salesman.  "He came in to buy a box of Tampons for his
wife and I said to him, 'Your weekend's shot, you may as well go
fishing.'"