IJMC - Where's the Lifeguard?

Almost as if in answer to one of my posts last week, comes this slightly 
twisted version...can you tell I like the one about the gene pool? -dave







 *  If at first you don't succeed, destroy all evidence that you tried.
 *  A conclusion is the place where you got tired of thinking.
 *  Experience is something you don't get until just after you need it.
 *  For every action, there is an equal and opposite criticism.
 *  He who hesitates is probably right.
 *  Never do card tricks for your poker buddies.
 *  No one is listening until you make a mistake.
 *  Success always occurs in private, and failure in full view.
 *  The hardness of the butter is proportional to the softness of the
       bread.
 *  The severity of the itch is proportional to the reach.
 *  To steal ideas from one person is plagiarism;
       to steal from many is research.
 *  To succeed i politics, it is often necessary to rise
       above your principles.
 *  Two wrongs are only the beginning.
 *  Work is accomplished by those employees who have not
       reached their level of incompetence.
 *  The problem with the gene pool is that there is no lifeguard.
 *  Monday is an awful way to spend 1/7th of your life.
 *  The sooner you fall behind, the more time you'll have to catch up.
 *  Sometimes the light at the end of the tunnel is the headlight of 
       an approaching train.