IJMC - Rural Computer Lingo

No. No no no   no no. Nononono no. No no no no no no no no no no no  no. 
No no  no no no.                                                   -dave






Log On
Makin' the wood stove hotter.

Log Off
Don't add any more wood.

Monitor
Keep an eye on the wood stove.

Download
Gettin' the firewood off the pickup.

Mega Hertz
When yer not careful downloadin' (watch th' toes!).

Floppy Disk
Whatcha get from pilin' too much firewood.

Disk Operating System
The equipment the Doc uses when you have a floppy disk.

RAM
The hydraulic thingy that makes the woodsplitter work.

Hard Drive
Gettin' home in mud season.

Prompt
What you wish the mail was in mud season.

Windows
What to shut when it's 30 below.

Screen
What you need for black fly season.

Byte
What black flies do.

Chip
What to munch on.

Micro Chip
What's left in the bag when the chips are gone.

Infrared
Where the leftovers go when Fred's around.

Modem
What you did to the hay fields.

Dot Matrix
John Matrix's wife.

Printer
Someone who can't write in cursive.

Lap Top
Where little kids feel comfy.

Keyboard
Where you hang your keys.

Software
Them plastic eatin' utensils.

486
One of them fancy imported cars.

Mouse
What eats the horses' grain in the barn.

Main Frame
The part of the barn that holds the roof up.

Port
Fancy wine.

Enter
C'mon in!

Random Access Memory
When you suddenly can't remember how much that new rifle costs when your
wife asks.

Digital
Like those numbers that flip on your alarm clock.

Apple
If you don't know what an apple is, I ain't tellin'.

Program
What's on the TV when there's reception.

CD ROM
The place in the bank where they sell retirement accounts.