IJMC - UNIX Strikes Out

For all of the benefits of a graphical user interface (GUI or "Goo-ey") 
there's something to be said for the old command line...and this post 
gets a lot in. I'll leave it at that, it's been a long day in need of a 
great backrub...and anyone who wants to get or give me one, just ask, and 
I'll let ya know where, when, and how...somehow, I don't think I'm going 
to get a single offer, but hey, that's life!                        -dave






===  For all the fear and difficulty of a "command-line interface," at
least you can get some use out of it . . .   --pat                ===

The following are strange error messages you can get Unix to generate.

They were culled during the summer of 1988 from rec.humor.  As we all
know, real error messages have two parts:  a message code, and a return
code.  Ideally, the message code is hexadecimal, the return code is
octal, and the manual explaining the error messages uses decimal.  But
Unix (tm), in keeping with its characteristic lexical confusion,
produces error messages which, although designed to make the system
appear sentient, and conversational, ultimately make the system seem as
stupid as it is.  Note that the '%' prompt indicates that the command
should be issued from the C shell, and the '$' prompt indicates the
Bourne shell.  Enjoy.

% rm meese-ethics
rm: meese-ethics nonexistent

% ar m God
ar: God does not exist

% "How would you rate Reagan's incompetence?
Unmatched ."

% [Where is Jimmy Hoffa?
Missing ].                                                                     

% ^How did the sex change^ operation go?
Modifier failed.

% If I had a ( for every $ Reagan spent, what would I have?  
Too many ('s.

% make love
Make:  Don't know how to make love.  Stop.

% sleep with me 
bad character

% got a light?
No match.

% man: why did you get a divorce?
man:{sp 0}: Too many arguments.

% ^What is saccharine?
Bad substitute.

% man woman
No manual entry for woman.

% %blow
%blow: No such job.

% (-
(-: Command not found.

% sh
$ PATH=pretending! /usr/ucb/which sense
no sense in pretending!

$ drink <bottle; opener
bottle: cannot open
opener: not found

$ mkdir matter; cat >matter
matter: cannot create