IJMC - the True Champion

We are the champions, my friend. We'll keep on fighting til the end. Of 
course, if none of us are actually M&M's, then mebbe we aren't the 
champions. At least not to this guy...                            -dave



 Whenever I get a package of plain M&Ms, I make it my duty to continue the
 strength and robustness of the candy as a species.  To this end, I hold M&M
 duels.  Taking two candies between my thumb and forefinger, I apply
 pressure, squeezing them together until one of them cracks and splinters.
 That is the "loser," and I eat the inferior one immediately.  The winner
 gets to go another round. I have found that, in general, the brown and red
 M&Ms are tougher, and the newer blue ones are genetically inferior.  I have
 hypothesized that the blue M&Ms as a race cannot survive long in the
 intense theater of competition that is the modern candy and snack-food
 world.  Occasionally I will get a mutation, a candy that is misshapen, or
 pointer, or flatter than the rest.  Almost invariably this proves to be a
 weakness, but on very rare occasions it gives the candy extra strength.  In
 this way, the species continues to adapt to its environment. When I reach
 the end of the pack, I am left with one M&M, the strongest of the herd.
 Since it would make no sense to eat this one as well, I pack it neatly in
 an envelope and send it to M&M Mars, A Division of Mars, Inc.,
 Hackettstown, NJ 17840-1503 USA, along with a 3x5 card reading, "Please
 use this M&M for breeding purposes."  This week they wrote back to thank
 me, and sent me a coupon for a free 1/2 pound bag of plain M&Ms.  I
 consider this "grant money."  I have set aside the weekend for a grand
 tournament.  From a field of hundreds, we will discover the True Champion.
 
 There can be only one.