IJMC - Microsoft God

No, I'm not saying they are god...heaven forbid. Of course, I'd be afraid 
they might try this...but if you hit the right keys, it's just Microsoft 
Bob all over again, but with a pipe, a grin, and the word "Slack" in big 
letters.                                                            -dave







(More from Flam1ngo)

Microsoft Corporation today announced its intent to purchase, copyright, and
upgrade God.

The new product is to be named "Microsoft God," and will be available to
consumers sometime in late 1998.

"Too many people feel separated from God in today's world," said Dave
McCavaugh, director of Microsoft's new Religions division. "Microsoft God
will make our Lord more accessible, and will add an easy, intuitive user
interface to Him, making Him not only easier to find, but easier to
communicate with." 

The new Microsoft Religions line will be expanded to include a multitude of
add-on products to Microsoft God, including:

Microsoft Crusades: This conversion product will bring all worshipper
accounts and prayer files over from previous versions of God, or from
competing products like Buddha or Allah.

Microsoft God for the World Wide Web: This product ties Microsoft God with
Microsoft Internet Information Server, making our Lord accessible from the
World Wide Web using a standard Web browser interface. It introduces several
new Web technologies, including Dynamic Salvation and Active Prayer Pages
(APP). Donations for the poor can be donated via a Secure Alms Server.

Microsoft Prayers: Using a Windows 95-based interface, this product will
allow worshippers to construct effective prayers in a minimum of time. A
Secure Prayer Channel technology will guarantee delivery of the prayer to
Microsoft God servers, and Prayer Wizards enable users to construct new
types of prayers with a minimum learning curve. 

Microsoft Savior: This product will allow worshippers to transfer their sins
to its internal Vice Database. After a preset interval, the product will
erase itself from the user's system and establish a clear line of secure
communications to the user's Microsoft God server.

Additionally, Microsoft is expected to announce a line of complimentary
products for the new Religions line, which will enhance the functionality of
the Microsoft God server product by providing a customized user interface.
These interfaces will be based on popular religious sects, allowing
worshippers to interact with the new God product in much the same way as the
previous version.

This line is expected to include Microsoft Christianity, Microsoft
Catholicism, Microsoft Judaism (incompatible with Microsoft Savior), etc.