IJMC - The Millenium Bug

Here's a cute little story about the Year 2000 bug. Read on and weep.
						-dave







     There was once a COBOL programmer in the mid to late
1990s. For the sake of this story, we'll call him Jack.  After
years of being taken for granted and treated as a
technological dinosaur by all the UNIX programmers and Client/
Server programmers and web site developers and multimedia
experts, Jack was finally getting some respect.  He'd become a
private consultant specializing in Year 2000 conversions.  He
was working short-term assignments for prestige companies,
traveling all over the world on different assignments.  He
was working 70 and 80 and even 90 hour weeks, but it was worth
it.

     Several years of this relentless, mind-numbing work had
taken its toll on Jack.  He had problems sleeping and began
having anxiety dreams about the Year 2000. It had reached a
point where even the thought of the year 2000 made him nearly
violent.  He must have suffered some sort of breakdown,
because all he could think about was how he could avoid the
year 2000 and all that came with it.

     Jack decided to contact a company that specialized in
cryogenics.  He made a deal to have himself frozen until March
15th, 2000.  This was a very expensive process and totally
automated.  He was thrilled.  The next thing he would know is
he'd wake up in the year 2000; after the New Year celebrations
and computer debacles; after the leap day. Nothing else to
worry about except getting on with his life.

     He was put into his cryogenic receptacle, the technicians
set the revive date, he was given injections to slow his
heartbeat to a bare minimum, and that was that.

     The next thing that Jack saw was an enormous and very
modern room filled with excited people.  They were all
shouting "I can't believe it!" and "It's a miracle" and "He's
alive!".  There were cameras (unlike any he'd ever seen) and
equipment that looked like it came out of a science fiction
movie.  Someone who was obviously a spokesperson for the group
stepped forward.  Jack couldn't contain his enthusiasm. "It is
over?" he asked.  "Is 2000 already here?  Are all the
millennial parties and promotions and crises all over and done
with?"

     The spokesman explained that there had been a problem
with the programming of the timer on Jack's cryogenic
receptacle, it hadn't been year 2000 compliant.  It was
actually eight thousand years later, not the year 2000.  But
the spokesman told Jack that he shouldn't get excited; someone
important wanted to speak to him.  Suddenly a wall-sized
projection screen displayed the image of a man that looked
very much like Bill Gates.  This man was Prime Minister of
Earth.  He told Jack not to be upset.  That this was a
wonderful time to be alive.  That there was world peace and no
more starvation.  That the space program had been reinstated
and there were colonies on the moon and on Mars.  That
technology had advanced to such a degree that everyone had
virtual reality interfaces which allowed them to contact
anyone else on the planet, or to watch any entertainment, or
to hear any music recorded anywhere.

     "That sounds terrific," said Jack.  "But I'm curious.
Why is everybody so interested in me?"  "Well," said the Prime
Minister, "The year 10000 is just around the corner, and it
says in your files that you know COBOL".