IJMC - The Signs Go Marching Two By Two...

...or maybe they don't, but it sounded good. And no, I still don't have a 
point but I do have a month off of classes now. Regardless of the 
results, my school is over until next year...unfortunately, I'm not going 
to go to Disneyworld now (unless someone wants to send me...).      -dave







ODD SIGNS FROM ENGLAND:

Sign in a Laundromat:
AUTOMATIC WASHING MACHINES:PLEASE REMOVE ALL YOUR CLOTHES WHEN THE
LIGHT GOES OUT.

Sign in a London department store:  BARGAIN BASEMENT UPSTAIRS.

In an office:  WOULD THE PERSON WHO TOOK THE STEP LADDER YESTERDAY
PLEASE BRING IT BACK OR FURTHER STEPS WILL BE TAKEN.

Outside a farm:  HORSE MANURE 50p PER PRE-PACKED BAG 20p DO-IT-YOURSELF.

In an office:  AFTER TEA BREAK STAFF SHOULD EMPTY THE TEAPOT AND STAND
UPSIDE DOWN ON THE DRAINING BOARD.

On a church door:  THIS IS THE GATE OF HEAVEN.  ENTER YE ALL  BY THIS
DOOR. (THIS DOOR IS KEPT LOCKED BECAUSE OF THE DRAFT. PLEASE USE SIDE
DOOR.)

Outside a secondhand shop:  WE EXCHANGE ANYTHING - BICYCLES, WASHING
MACHINES ETC.  WHY NOT BRING YOUR WIFE ALONG AND GET A WONDERFUL
BARGAIN?

Sign outside a new town hall which was to be opened by the Prince of
Wales:
THE TOWN HALL IS CLOSED UNTIL OPENING. IT WILL REMAIN CLOSED AFTER
BEING OPENED. OPEN TOMORROW.

Outside a photographer's studio:  OUT TO LUNCH: IF NOT BACK BY FIVE,
OUT FOR DINNER ALSO.

Seen at the side of a Sussex road:  SLOW CATTLE CROSSING. NO OVERTAKING
FOR THE NEXT 100 YRS.

Outside a disco:  SMARTS IS THE MOST EXCLUSIVE DISCO IN TOWN. EVERYONE
WELCOME.

Sign warning of quicksand:  QUICKSAND. ANY PERSON PASSING THIS POINT
WILL BE DROWNED. BY ORDER OF THE DISTRICT COUNCIL.

Notice sent to residents of a Whiltshire parish:  DUE TO INCREASING
PROBLEMS WITH LETTER LOUTS AND VANDALS WE MUST ASK ANYONE WITH RELATIVES 
BURIED IN THE GRAVEYARD TO DO THEIR BEST TO KEEP THEM IN ORDER.

Notice in a dry cleaner's window:  ANYONE LEAVING THEIR GARMENTS HERE
FOR MORE THAN 30 DAYS WILL BE DISPOSED OF.

Sign on motorway garage:  PLEASE DO NOT SMOKE NEAR OUR PETROL PUMPS.
YOUR LIFE MAY NOT BE WORTH MUCH BUT OUR PETROL IS.

Notice in health food shop window:  CLOSED DUE TO ILLNESS.

Spotted in a safari park:  ELEPHANTS PLEASE STAY IN YOUR CAR.

Seen during a conference:  FOR ANYONE WHO HAS CHILDREN AND DOESN'T KNOW
IT, THERE IS A DAY CARE ON THE FIRST FLOOR.

Notice in a field:  THE FARMER ALLOWS WALKERS TO CROSS THE FIELD FOR
FREE, BUT THE BULL CHARGES.

Message on a leaflet:  IF YOU CANNOT READ, THIS LEAFLET WILL TELL YOU
HOW TO GET LESSONS.

Sign on a repair shop door:  WE CAN REPAIR ANYTHING. (PLEASE KNOCK HARD
ON THE DOOR - THE BELL DOESN'T WORK)

Sign at Norfolk farm gate: BEWARE! I SHOOT EVERY TENTH TRESPASSER AND
THE NINTH ONE HAS JUST LEFT.

Spotted in a toilet in a London office block:  TOILET OUT OF ORDER.
PLEASE USE FLOOR BELOW.