IJMC - The Signs Go Marching Two By Two...
...or maybe they don't, but it sounded good. And no, I still don't have a
point but I do have a month off of classes now. Regardless of the
results, my school is over until next year...unfortunately, I'm not going
to go to Disneyworld now (unless someone wants to send me...). -dave
ODD SIGNS FROM ENGLAND:
Sign in a Laundromat:
AUTOMATIC WASHING MACHINES:PLEASE REMOVE ALL YOUR CLOTHES WHEN THE
LIGHT GOES OUT.
Sign in a London department store: BARGAIN BASEMENT UPSTAIRS.
In an office: WOULD THE PERSON WHO TOOK THE STEP LADDER YESTERDAY
PLEASE BRING IT BACK OR FURTHER STEPS WILL BE TAKEN.
Outside a farm: HORSE MANURE 50p PER PRE-PACKED BAG 20p DO-IT-YOURSELF.
In an office: AFTER TEA BREAK STAFF SHOULD EMPTY THE TEAPOT AND STAND
UPSIDE DOWN ON THE DRAINING BOARD.
On a church door: THIS IS THE GATE OF HEAVEN. ENTER YE ALL BY THIS
DOOR. (THIS DOOR IS KEPT LOCKED BECAUSE OF THE DRAFT. PLEASE USE SIDE
Outside a secondhand shop: WE EXCHANGE ANYTHING - BICYCLES, WASHING
MACHINES ETC. WHY NOT BRING YOUR WIFE ALONG AND GET A WONDERFUL
Sign outside a new town hall which was to be opened by the Prince of
THE TOWN HALL IS CLOSED UNTIL OPENING. IT WILL REMAIN CLOSED AFTER
BEING OPENED. OPEN TOMORROW.
Outside a photographer's studio: OUT TO LUNCH: IF NOT BACK BY FIVE,
OUT FOR DINNER ALSO.
Seen at the side of a Sussex road: SLOW CATTLE CROSSING. NO OVERTAKING
FOR THE NEXT 100 YRS.
Outside a disco: SMARTS IS THE MOST EXCLUSIVE DISCO IN TOWN. EVERYONE
Sign warning of quicksand: QUICKSAND. ANY PERSON PASSING THIS POINT
WILL BE DROWNED. BY ORDER OF THE DISTRICT COUNCIL.
Notice sent to residents of a Whiltshire parish: DUE TO INCREASING
PROBLEMS WITH LETTER LOUTS AND VANDALS WE MUST ASK ANYONE WITH RELATIVES
BURIED IN THE GRAVEYARD TO DO THEIR BEST TO KEEP THEM IN ORDER.
Notice in a dry cleaner's window: ANYONE LEAVING THEIR GARMENTS HERE
FOR MORE THAN 30 DAYS WILL BE DISPOSED OF.
Sign on motorway garage: PLEASE DO NOT SMOKE NEAR OUR PETROL PUMPS.
YOUR LIFE MAY NOT BE WORTH MUCH BUT OUR PETROL IS.
Notice in health food shop window: CLOSED DUE TO ILLNESS.
Spotted in a safari park: ELEPHANTS PLEASE STAY IN YOUR CAR.
Seen during a conference: FOR ANYONE WHO HAS CHILDREN AND DOESN'T KNOW
IT, THERE IS A DAY CARE ON THE FIRST FLOOR.
Notice in a field: THE FARMER ALLOWS WALKERS TO CROSS THE FIELD FOR
FREE, BUT THE BULL CHARGES.
Message on a leaflet: IF YOU CANNOT READ, THIS LEAFLET WILL TELL YOU
HOW TO GET LESSONS.
Sign on a repair shop door: WE CAN REPAIR ANYTHING. (PLEASE KNOCK HARD
ON THE DOOR - THE BELL DOESN'T WORK)
Sign at Norfolk farm gate: BEWARE! I SHOOT EVERY TENTH TRESPASSER AND
THE NINTH ONE HAS JUST LEFT.
Spotted in a toilet in a London office block: TOILET OUT OF ORDER.
PLEASE USE FLOOR BELOW.