IJMC - How Much For The Women?

Ahh, the Blues Brothers. Where would modern day society in America be 
without it? Probably about the same place. But anyway, tonight's post has 
little to do with old comedians and lots to do with dating. With the 
trends towards lawyers and written permissions for everything, this could 
become the norm, not just a joke. Not!                              -dave





  APPLICATION FOR PERMISSION TO DATE MY DAUGHTER 

  NOTE: This application will be incomplete and rejected unless
  accompanied by a complete financial statement job history, lineage, and 
  current medical report from your doctor.

1. NAME  _______________________________ DATE OF BIRTH ________________ 
2. HEIGHT ____________________ WEIGHT __________ I.Q _______
   G.P.A.______
3. SOCIAL SECURITY # _____________ DRIVERS LICENSE #  __________________ 
4. BOY SCOUT RANK____________________________________________________ 
5. HOME ADDRESS _________________ CITY/STATE ___________ ZIP _________ 
6. Do you have one MALE and one FEMALE parent?___________________________
   If No., EXPLAIN ___________________________________________________ 
7. Number of years your parents have been married ________________________
8. Do you own a van? ______ A truck with oversized tires? ______
   waterbed? _______       Do you have an earring, nose ring, or belly 
   button ring? A tattoo_________________
   (If  "yes" to any of #8, discontinue application and leave premises ) 
9. In 50 words or less, what does "LATE" mean to you?____________________
   _______________________________________________________________________ 
10. In 50 words or less, what does "DON'T TOUCH MY DAUGHTER" mean to you?
    _________________________________________________________________________ 
    _______________________________________________________________________ 
11. In 50 words or less, what does 'ABSTINENCE" mean to you?
    _____________________________________________________________________ 
12. Church you attend _____________ How often do you attend _______________
13. When would be the best time to interview your father, mother and 
    priest/rabbi/minister? __________
14. Answer by filling in the blank: please answer freely. ALL answers 
    are confidential (That means I won't  tell anyone-ever-I promise.)
    a) If I were shot the last place on my body I would want wounded is 
        ________
    b) If I were beaten, the last bone I would want broken is my 
        ________________
    c) A woman's place is in the
        ________________________________________ 
    d) The one thing I hope this application does not ask me about is 
        _____________
    e) When I first meet a girl, the first thing I notice about her Is 
       (NOTE: If your answer begins with "T" or "A", discontinue. Leave 
        premises keeping your head low and running in a serpentine
        fashion is advised.)
15. What do you want to be IF you grow up? 
      __________________________________
I SWEAR THAT ALL INFORMATION SUPPLIED ABOVE IS TRUE AND CORRECT 
TO THE BEST OF MY KNOWLEDGE UNDER PENALTY OF DEATH, DISMEMBERMENT,
NATIVE AMERICAN ANT TORTURE, ELECTROCUTION, CHINESE WATER TORTURE, 
RED HOT POKERS, AND HILLARY CLINTON KISS TORTURE.
________________________________________ 
Signature( That means your name, moron) 

Thank you for your interest Please allow four to six years for
processing. You will be notified in writing you are approved. Please do 
not try to call or write (since you probably can't and it would cause
you injury.) if your application is rejected, you will  be notified by 
two gentlemen wearing white ties and carrying violin cases (You might 
want to watch your back).