IJMC That Dang Inner Child

                    IJMC - That Dang Inner Child

Tonight's post is a cute antithema to all of the wonderfully PC inner 
child articles I've ever seen. My personal favorite has to be number 2, 
but then I do think that number one fits as the number on reason...I'm 
just curious about one thing in number one...who collects?        -dave

        The Top 16 Signs Your Inner Child is Unhappy

16> Hasn't touched your inner trainset for days.

15> Spends all day sulking in your lower intestine.

14> You've stopped shouting "Wheeeee!" on the elevator at work.

13> Joins an inner gang and goes wilding through your pancreas.

12> You attempt to overdose on a lethal combination of J&B and M&M's.

11> When you try to hug him, he pulls away and calls you a "pathetic  
    codependent loser."

10> When your boss calls you incompetant, you reply: "I know you are, 
    but what am I?"

 9> Has been sulking since you refused to buy that Power Ranger doll.

 8> Constantly whacking the holy hell out of the inner puppy you gave 
    him for his birthday.

 7> You keep getting thrown out of bars for ordering Lucky Charms and Milk.

 6> Primal scream portion of "Bert and Ernie's Anger Management 
    Workshop" has kept you up three nights in a row.

 5> Sudden urge to knock your morning cappuccino and bagel onto the floor.

 4> You discover you have an Inner Madonna carrying your Inner Child.

 3> Says she can't wait until she's 18 so she can "get the hell outta 
    this dump."

 2> You keep your therapist at bay with a Lego Uzi until gummi bear 
    ransom is delivered.

  and the Number 1 Sign Your Inner Child is Unhappy...

 1> Hires an inner lawyer and slaps your ass with a $40 million inner lawsuit.

IJMC May 1997 Archives