IJMC - This Bud's On Us
Oi. You ever have one of those days? I mean, I was able to take my psyche
test in under a half hour, but still, it's been a long day. Thank whoever
that the weekend is just hours away (ok, so it always is, I can walk to
Alaska too, I just wouldn't really want to...). Read on, and then have a
cold one on us. -dave
Time is never wasted when you're wasted all the time.
Abstainer: a weak person who yields to the temptation of denying himself
Reality is an illusion that occurs due to the lack of alcohol.
I never drink anything stronger than gin before breakfast.
A woman drove me to drink and I didn't even have the decency to thank
What contemptible scoundrel has stolen the cork to my lunch?
Beauty lies in the hands of the beerholder.
Sir, if you were my husband, I would poison your drink.
--Lady Astor to Winston Churchill
Madam, if you were my wife, I would drink it.
If God had intended us to drink beer, He would have given us stomaches.
Work is the curse of the drinking classes.
When I read about the evils of drinking, I gave up reading.
Life is a waste of time, time is a waste of life,
so get wasted all of the time and have the time of your life.
I'd rather have a bottle in front of me, than a frontal lobotomy.
24 hours in a day, 24 beers in a case. Coincidence?
Beer is good food.
you don't like jail?
naw, they got the wrong kind of bars in there.
If you ever reach total enlightenment while drinking beer, I bet it
makes beer shoot out your nose.
--Deep Thought, Jack Handy
It's better to have beer in hand than gas in tank.
Life is too short to drink cheap beer.
Beer - it's not just for breakfast anymore
Beer: Nature's laxative.
Beer. If you can't taste it, why bother!
One more drink and I'd be under the host.
All other nations are drinking Ray Charles beer and we are drinking
When I heated my home with oil, I used an average of 800 gallons a year.
I have found that I can keep comfortably warm for an entire winter with
slightly over half that quantity of beer.
--Postpetroleum Guzzler, Dave Barry
Without question, the greatest invention in the history of mankind is
beer. Oh, I grant you that the wheel was also a fine invention, but the
wheel does not go nearly as well with pizza.
--Dave Barry's Bad Habits, Dave Barry
Not all chemicals are bad. Without chemicals such as hydrogen and
oxygen, for example, there would be no way to make water, a vital
ingredient in beer.
My problem with most athletic challenges is training. I'm lazy and find
that workouts cut into my drinking time.
--A Wolverine is Eating My Leg
The problem with the world is that everyone is a few drinks behind.
Friends don't let friends drink Light Beer.
If nothing beats a Bud, given the choice, I'd take the nothing...
Draft beer, not people!
Adhere to Schweinheitsgebot. Don't put anything in your beer that a pig
Why is American beer served cold? So you can tell it from urine.
A drink a day keeps the shrink away.
People who drink light "beer" don't like the taste of beer; they just
like to pee a lot.
--Capital Brewery, Middleton, WI
Put it back in the horse!
--H. Allen Smith, an American humorist in the '30s-'50s, after he
drank his first American beer at a bar.