IJMC - The Need for a Database

You know, if Heaven was running an up to date database like UPS does, 
they wouldn't have to ask questions like good ole St. Pete does. They'd 
just know everything already. Just like UPS does. Trust me on this one, 
they've shown me the power, and it is good. Really. It is.        -dave






A guy is at the pearly gates, waiting to be admitted, while St. Pete is
leafin' through this Big Book to see if the guy is worthy of entering.
Saint Peter goes through the books several times, furrows his brow, and says
to the guy, "You know, I can't see that you did anything really good in your
life but, you never did anything bad either.  Tell you what, if you can tell
me of one REALLY good deed that you did in your life, you're in."

The guy thinks for a moment and says,  "Yeah, there was this one time when I
was drivin' down the highway and I saw a giant group of KKK Biker Gang
Rapists assaulting this poor girl.  I slowed down my car to see what was
going on, and sure enough, there they were, about 50 of 'em torturing this
chick.  Infuriated, I get out my car, grabbed a tire iron out of my trunk,
and walked straight up to the leader of the gang, a huge guy with a studded
leather jacket and a chain running from his nose to his ear.  As I walked up
to the leader, the KKK Biker Gang Rapists formed a circle around me.

So, I rip the leader's chain off his face and smash him over the head with
the tire iron.  Then I turn around and yell to the rest of them, 'Leave this
poor, innocent girl alone!  You're all a bunch of sick, deranged animals!
Go home before I teach you all a lesson in pain!'"

St. Peter, impressed, says "Really?  When did this happen?"

"Oh, about two minutes ago."