IJMC Let's Hear Them Squawk

                    IJMC - Let's Hear Them Squawk

Of all of them, the one I like the most is the one about the missing 
engine. Sometimes it would be nice to know a little more detail though. 
But hey, it's a great laugh nonetheless!                          -dave

From actual military "squawk sheets".   

(Squawk sheets are maintenance forms filed by the flight crews to
inform the maintenance crews of problems with the aircraft.)

      Problem:  "Left inside main tire almost needs replacement." 
      Solution:  "Almost replaced left inside main tire." 

      Problem:  "Test flight OK, except autoland very rough." 
      Solution:  "Autoland not installed on this aircraft." 

      Problem #1:  "#2 Propeller seeping prop fluid." 
      Solution #1:  "#2 Propeller seepage normal." 
      Problem #2:  "#1,#3, and #4 propellers lack normal seepage." 

      Problem:  "The autopilot doesn't." 
      Signed off:  "IT DOES NOW."

      Problem: "Something loose in cockpit." 
      Solution: "Something tightened in cockpit." 

      Problem: "Evidence of hydraulic leak on right main landing gear." 
      Solution: "Evidence removed." 

      Problem: "Number three engine missing." 
      Solution: "Engine found on right wing after brief search." 

      Problem: "DME volume unbelievably loud." 
      Solution: "Volume set to more believable level." 

      Problem: Dead bugs on windshield. 
      Solution: Live bugs on order. 

      Problem: Autopilot in altitude hold mode produces a 200 fpm
      Solution: Cannot reproduce problem on ground. 

      Problem: IFF inoperative.
      Solution: IFF inoperative in OFF mode. 

      Problem: Friction locks cause throttle levers to stick. 
      Solution: That's what they're there for.

IJMC May 1997 Archives