IJMC Wanted, a Life

                        IJMC - Wanted, a Life

Preferably low maintainence with high pay. Now if I can get the IJMC to 
make money, I might just get that...but never fear, I have no intentions 
of adding advertisements or sponsorships or anything else silly to the 
daily (nightly?) emails. The web site...well, let's just say it's fair 
game once I finish it...but let's not talk about that. Anyway, tonight is 
a wonderful spoof of our friends in the U.S. Pentagon...if ya can't watch 
things about it on the X-Files (who else misses that huge storage room 
somewhere within those 5-sided halls?) then ya can read about it on your 
computer screen. Fair enough. And Goodnight (unfortunately, no reference 
to the Bond-chick...<sigh>).                                        -dave


ENEMY WANTED -- Mature, lonely, North American superpower seeks
hostile-sounding and muscular-looking but internally moribund
nation for international competitive bluster, mutual threat
inflation, political-military gymnastics, and general bellicose
finger pointing. Looking to fill post-Cold War ennui and lost
missile envy. Scare-mongers who relish dogmatic confrontation,
able to appear 10-ft. tall, and willing to build real and
imaginary mirror image weapon systems need only apply. Must appear
sufficiently menacing to frighten more money and previous Cold War
era weapon systems out of Congress, but must threaten only
opponent's marginal interests, and must not present any real
intellectual challenge. Accompaniment by fierce, Third World
allies who know how to fight is also not desirable. Oafish, senile
leaders definitely a plus.  Possession of large, phallic ballistic
missiles (large throw weight only), and/or chem-bio also a plus --
willful violations of feckless arms control agreements will earn
continuing thanks.  Location: preferably near enough to threaten
petroleum and trade markets to ensure perpetual business as usual.
Reply with videos of goose-stepping troops, parade optimized tank
battalions, U.S. flag burnings, chanting, dazed eyed crowds, and
haranguing, incoherent speeches. Send c/o "Shali," The Pentagon,
Washington, DC. Please no publicity shy competents or third world
nations that have previously embarrassed advertiser.

IJMC May 1997 Archives