IJMC - Do Not Open Until March 30, 1997

Well, this ends the mass mailing. Starting tomorrow, the IJMC will return 
to the one-a-day format that it has (not-so-well) maintainted for years. 
And if you believe that, remember what's two days from now...       -dave







Guy goes into a bar and orders a beer, suddenly he hears this tiny voice
that says "nice tie".  He looks around and doesn't see anybody that could
have said that, then he hears the voice again, "nice hat too", he looks
around again and still doesn't see anybody.  So he asks the bartender, "I
keep hearing these tiny voices that are actually saying nice things  but I
don't see anyone."  The bartender says, "Oh that's the peanuts, they're
complimentary"


*****************************************************************************


DALLAS COWBOY JOKES 
 
1.  What do you call a drug ring in Dallas?......A huddle.

2.  Four Dallas Cowboys in a car, who's driving?......The police.

3.  Why can't Michael Irvin get into a huddle on the field anymore?..It is
a parole violation for him to associate with known felons.

4.  Doctors say because of Michael Irvin's broken clavicle, it will be 6-8
weeks before he can video a team mate having sex.

5.  I understand Chicago is trying to sign Michael Irvin.  They got rid
    of the refrigerator, so now they want a coke machine.

6.  The Dallas newspaper reported yesterday that Texas Stadium is going to
take out the artificial turf because the cowboys play better on "grass."

7.  The Dallas Cowboys adopted a new "Honor System."  Yes, your Honor,
No, your Honor.

8.  The Cowboys had a 12 and 5 season this year.  12 arrests, 5
convictions.

9.  The Cowboys knew they had to do something for their defense, so
they hired a new defensive coordinator:  Johnny Cochran.

10.  How do the Dallas Cowboys spend their first week at spring
training? Studying the Miranda Rights.


*****************************************************************************


 Bill worked in a pickle factory.  He had been employed there for a number
 of years when he came home one day to confess to his wife that he had a 
 terrible compulsion.  He had an urge to stick his penis into the pickle 
 slicer.  His wife suggested that he should see a sex therapist to talk 
   about it, but Bill indicated that he'd be too embarrassed.  He vowed to 
   overcome the compulsion on his own.
   One day a few weeks later, Bill came home absolutely ashen.  His wife 
   could see at once that something was seriously wrong.
   "What's wrong, Bill?" she asked.
   "Do you remember that I told you how I had this tremendous urge to put my
    penis into the pickle slicer?" 
   "Oh, Bill, you didn't."
   "Yes, I did."
   "My God, Bill, what happened?" 
   "I got fired."
   "No, Bill.  I mean, what happened with the pickle slicer?" 
   "Oh...she got fired too." 


*****************************************************************************


 Well, then there was the blonde who just got sick and tired of all the 
 "Dumb Blonde" jokes; went home one evening and memorized all the state 
 capitals.
 
 Back in the office the next day, some dumb guy starting telling a Dumb 
 Blonde joke.

 She interrupted with the shrill announcement: "I've had it up to HERE 
 with these dumb Dumb Blonde jokes. I want you to know that THIS blonde went
 home last night and did something probably none of you could do: I 
 memorized all the state capitals!"
 
 One of the guys, of course, said, "I don't believe you; what's the 
 capital of Wyoming?"
 
 "W," she answered.