IJMC - Are You Ready for Misc?!
Here it is again, more misc. It's been a while since I've sent out a
batch of misc but it is time to do so again. And as a warning, since I
will be out of town again this weekend, there will be four IJMC posts in
your emailbox tomorrow and then one a day again on Monday. Well, enough
for now, I am outta here. -dave
The other day, there was a bomb scare in Rio Rancho NM, at the Giant gas
station. Of course the bomb squad had to be called out to investigate,
which in turn brought the news. In the local paper the next day, they had
a picture of a bomb squad member, wearing a shirt that said:
I AM A BOMB TECHNICIAN
IF YOU SEE ME RUNNING
TRY AND KEEP UP!
A very wealthy lawyer retreated for several weeks each year to his
summer home in the backwoods of Maine. Every summer, he would invite one
friend or another to stay with him there for a week or two.
One summer he invited a Czechoslovakian friend to visit him. The
friend, happy to get anything free from a lawyer, eagerly agreed. When
the time came, they spent a wonderful time, getting up early every
morning and enjoying the great outdoors. One morning, as the lawyer and
his Czechoslovakian friend were picking raspberries and blueberries for
their breakfast, they were approached by two huge bears--a male and a
female. The lawyer noticed them in time to run for cover. His friend,
however, was not so lucky. The male bear reached him and swallowed him
whole. Seeing this, the lawyer ran back to his Mercedes and raced for
the nearest town to get the local sheriff.
The sheriff grabbed his high-powered rifle and raced back to the berry
area with the lawyer. All the while, the lawyer was plagued by visions of
lawsuits from his friend's family. He just had to save his friend.
Luckily, the bears were still there.
"He's in THAT one!" cried the lawyer, pointing to the male.
The sheriff looked at the bears, leveled his gun, took careful aim, and
shot the female.
"What did you do that for?!" exclaimed the lawyer, "I said he was in the
"Exactly," replied the sheriff. "Would YOU believe a lawyer who told you
that the Czech was in the male?"
After their car broke down on a lonely country road, three men sought
a night's shelter at a farmhouse. The farmer, poor but eager to help
them, said that he only had two beds so one of the three would have to
sleep in the barn.
Immediately, one of the travelers, a polite Hindu mathematician, agreed
and left for the barn. A short while later he returned and apologetically
explained that there were cows in the barn and for religious reasons he
could not sleep there.
Another of the guests, a conservative rabbi, volunteered, picked up his
bedding and left for the barn. It wasn't long before he returned
complaining that the pig in the barn made it impossible for him to sleep
The last of the stranded trio, a lawyer, sighed, grudgingly picked up his
bag, and shuffled off to the barn.
Soon, there was another knock at the door. When the farmer
answered it, there were the cows and the pig.
A doctor vacationing on the Riviera met an old lawyer friend and asked
him what he was doing there.
The lawyer replied, "Remember that lousy real estate I bought? Well, it
caught fire, so here I am with the fire insurance proceeds. What are
you doing here?"
The doctor replied, "Remember that lousy real estate I had in
Mississippi? Well, the river overflowed, and here I am with the flood
The lawyer looked puzzled. "Gee," he asked, "how do you start a flood?"
The two partners of a law firm were having lunch when suddenly one of
them jumped up from the table and said, "I have to go back to the office
- I forgot to lock the safe!"
"What are you worried about?" asked the other. "We're both here."