IJMC You Might Be An AOL Addict If...

               IJMC - You Might Be An AOL Addict If...

You know, that is one thing that has not yet happenned to me. None of the 
IJMC subscribers who use AOL have suggested I switch to AOL from Netcom. 
Now I wonder why that is...perhaps because AOL can't handle the IJMC, but 
that's another story...                                             -dave


...You walk into a room, and finding that it has more then 23 people, you
   inform the management that there is an error.
...You find yourself tilting your head when you smile.
...Your AOL bill is more than your phone bill.
...When laughing, you find yourself saying "LOL" outloud.
...You get more e-mail than snail mail.
...When introducing yourself to anyone, you use your screen name.
...You understand what BIM, BIF, ISO, M4M, or F4F means.
...You are no longer afraid of a mouse.
...You're awake for a lot of sunrises.
...You are a male and see a female in the "real" world that you wish to meet,
   your first thought is to IM her.
...You are a female and see a male in the "real" world that you wish to meet,
   your first thought is that you wish he would IM you.
...You don't understand the humor in the above-mentioned item, since the
   "real" world is not at your fingertips.
...When seeing someone you wish to meet, your second thought is wishing they
   would be on AOL so you wouldn't have to meet them in person.
...When you have sex, you no longer are concerned about sexually transmitted
...You go up to people you are attracted to and ask for their GIF.
...Although you don't know what they look like, you become insanely jealous
   of people that are hitting on your cyber-love.
...You don't even know what your cyber-love looks like.
...The only way that your child can get your attention is by:
   a) Standing in front of your screen
   b) IM'ing you
   c) telling you that Steve Case is calling you on the phone
...When your spouse is mad at you, they threaten to erase your e-mail, and
   you humbly, earnestly, and quickly beg for forgiveness.
...When at work, your boss constantly reminds you that the letter "i" should
   be capitalized.
...When going on a job interview and asked if you have any questions about
   the company, your first response is to ask if they are on AOL.
...When looking at signs, you wonder why they're always yelling at you.
...When leaving to go to the bathroom, you find yourself saying, "BRB."
...When meeting a stranger, you ask for their profile.  If they have none,
   you ask for an age\sex\location check.
...Your spouse now complains of you moving your fingers in your sleep instead
   of talking.
...You dream in text.
...Tech support calls YOU for help!
...You watch TV with the sound off and the close-captioning on.
...You double-click your remote.
...You beg your friends to go online so you can "hang out".
...You've gotten on a plane to meet someone face to face
...You've met over a 100 AOLers.
...You have over 100 people on your buddy list.
...You sign on and immediately get ten IMs from people that have you on their
   buddy lists.
...You meet people face to face, and you don't know their real names.
...You've known people for years, and you don't know their real names.
...You've typed, "Drinking on AOL is better than drinking alone."
...You have a vanity tag with your screenname on it.
...You no longer use capital letter, proper punctuation, or complete
...You type over 70 WPM.
...You type faster than you think
...Three words:  Carpal Tunnel Syndrome
...When someone asks, "What did you say?"  You respond, "Scroll up!"
...You have an identity crisis when someone uses a screenname similar to
...You change screennames so much that you have to check your profile to
   figure out who you are.
...You've invited ten or more strangers to your house only because they were
   cool online.
...You have a second line just for you computer.
...You type messages to people while you're speaking with on the phone at the
   same time.
...You smile sideways.
...You spend at least 30  minutes making sure you say goodbye to everyone
   before signing off.
...You bring a bag lunch to your computer.
...You go through AOL withdrawal during dinner.
...You wake up and your first instinct is to go online before having a cup of
...You use AOL lingo in your "real" life (if you still have one)
...You stop using whole words like BRB, TTYL, dunno, gotta, etc...
...You got your psychiatrist addicted to AOL and are now undergoing therapy
   in private rooms instead of his/her office.
...When you die, you want your computer buried with you -- or vice versa.
...Being called a "Newbie" is a MAJOR insult.
...There's absolutely no interesting chat in any room and you are really
   bored -- yet you don't want to leave in case you miss something.
...You enjoy being called an AOL addict.
...You understand the humor in all of these jokes because you have committed
   them yourself.  

IJMC March 1997 Archives