IJMC Barbie Fights Back

                       IJMC - Barbie Fights Back

Someone dropped this in my emailbox yesterday and given the message 
attached, I figured I should send it out soon...anyone else have any 
Barbie stories/jokes to finish out a theme?                    -dave

I dunno if you have seen this.. but I wanted to pass it on to you..It
kinda goes nicely with the Barbie Gi mailing the other day


  Mattel, Inc.
  El Segundo, CA
  Dear Mr. CEO:
  Listen you fat little troll, I've been helping you out every year, 
  playing at being the perfect Christmas present, wearing skimpy bathing 
  suits in frigid weather, and drowning in fake tea from one too many 
  tea parties, and I hate to break it to ya, but IT'S DEFINITELY PAYBACK 
  There had better be some changes around here this year, or I'm gonna 
  call for a nationwide meltdown (and trust me, you won't wanna be 
  around to smell it).
  So, here's my 1997 resolution/wish list:
  1.  A nice, comfy pair of sweat pants and a frumpy, oversized 
  sweatshirt.  I'm sick of looking like a hooker.  How much smaller are 
  these bathing suits gonna get?  Do you have any idea what it feels 
  like to have nylon and velcro crawling up your butt?
  2.  Real underwear that can be pulled on and off.  Preferably white.    
  What bonehead at Mattel decided to cheap out and MOLD imitation     
  underwear to my skin?!?  It looks like cellulite!
  3.  A REAL man...maybe GI Joe.  Hell, I'd take Tickle-Me Elmo over that 
  wimped-out excuse for a boyfriend, Ken.  And what's with that earring 
  anyway?  Okay, if I'm gonna have to suffer with him, at least make him 
  (and me) anatomically correct.
  4.  Arms that actually bend so I can push the aforementioned Ken-wimp 
  away once he is anatomically correct.
  5.  Breast reduction surgery.  I don't care whose arm you have to 
  twist, just get it done.
  6.  A jog bra.  To wear until I get the surgery.
  7.  A new career.  Pet doctor and school teacher just don't cut it. 
  How about a systems analyst?  Or better yet, an advertising account 
  8.  A new, more 90s persona.  Maybe "PMS Barbie", complete with a 
  miniature container of chocolate chip cookie dough ice cream and a bag 
  of chips; "Animal Rights Barbie", with my very own pain gun, outfitted 
  with a fake fur coat and handcuffs; or "Stop Smoking Barbie", sporting 
  a removable Nicotrol patch and equipped with several packs of gum.
  9.  No more McDonald's endorsements. The grease is wrecking my vinyl.
  10. Mattel stock options. It's been 37 years--I think I deserve it.
  Ok, Mr CEO, that's it.  Considering my valuable contribution to 
  society, I don't think these requests are out of line. If you 
  disagree, then you can find yourself a new bimbo doll for next 
  Christmas.  It's that simple.
  Yours truly,
  Malibu, CA

IJMC March 1997 Archives