IJMC - Barbie Fights Back
Someone dropped this in my emailbox yesterday and given the message
attached, I figured I should send it out soon...anyone else have any
Barbie stories/jokes to finish out a theme? -dave
I dunno if you have seen this.. but I wanted to pass it on to you..It
kinda goes nicely with the Barbie Gi mailing the other day
BARBIE TAKES A STAND
El Segundo, CA
Dear Mr. CEO:
Listen you fat little troll, I've been helping you out every year,
playing at being the perfect Christmas present, wearing skimpy bathing
suits in frigid weather, and drowning in fake tea from one too many
tea parties, and I hate to break it to ya, but IT'S DEFINITELY PAYBACK
There had better be some changes around here this year, or I'm gonna
call for a nationwide meltdown (and trust me, you won't wanna be
around to smell it).
So, here's my 1997 resolution/wish list:
1. A nice, comfy pair of sweat pants and a frumpy, oversized
sweatshirt. I'm sick of looking like a hooker. How much smaller are
these bathing suits gonna get? Do you have any idea what it feels
like to have nylon and velcro crawling up your butt?
2. Real underwear that can be pulled on and off. Preferably white.
What bonehead at Mattel decided to cheap out and MOLD imitation
underwear to my skin?!? It looks like cellulite!
3. A REAL man...maybe GI Joe. Hell, I'd take Tickle-Me Elmo over that
wimped-out excuse for a boyfriend, Ken. And what's with that earring
anyway? Okay, if I'm gonna have to suffer with him, at least make him
(and me) anatomically correct.
4. Arms that actually bend so I can push the aforementioned Ken-wimp
away once he is anatomically correct.
5. Breast reduction surgery. I don't care whose arm you have to
twist, just get it done.
6. A jog bra. To wear until I get the surgery.
7. A new career. Pet doctor and school teacher just don't cut it.
How about a systems analyst? Or better yet, an advertising account
8. A new, more 90s persona. Maybe "PMS Barbie", complete with a
miniature container of chocolate chip cookie dough ice cream and a bag
of chips; "Animal Rights Barbie", with my very own pain gun, outfitted
with a fake fur coat and handcuffs; or "Stop Smoking Barbie", sporting
a removable Nicotrol patch and equipped with several packs of gum.
9. No more McDonald's endorsements. The grease is wrecking my vinyl.
10. Mattel stock options. It's been 37 years--I think I deserve it.
Ok, Mr CEO, that's it. Considering my valuable contribution to
society, I don't think these requests are out of line. If you
disagree, then you can find yourself a new bimbo doll for next
Christmas. It's that simple.