IJMC Gotta Go, Gotta Go, Gotta Go NOW.

                     IJMC - Gotta Go, Gotta Go, Gotta Go NOW.

Ok, yes, I'm late for work. Again. It's been a long week but hey, it's 
almost the weekend. Here's to parties and hanging out and SLEEP! Oh well, 
I gotta go now.                                                     -dave



       The quantity of consonants in the English language is
       constant.  If omitted in one place, they turn up in another.
       When a Bostonian "pahks" his "cah," the lost r's migrate
       southwest, causing a Texan to "warsh" his car and invest in
       "erl wells."

       The reason hot-rod owners raise the backs of their cars is
       that it's easier to go faster when you're always going
       downhill. Besides, they get better gas mileage that way.

       Birds take off at sunrise.  On the opposite side of the
       world, they are landing at sunset.  This causes the earth
       to spin on its axis.


       The earth may spin faster on its axis due to deforestation.
       Just as a figure skater's rate of spin increases when the
       arms are brought in close to the body, the cutting of tall
       trees may cause our planet to spin dangerously fast.

       Communist China is technologically underdeveloped because
       they have no alphabet and therefore cannot use acronyms to
       communicate ideas at a faster rate.

       Why Yawning Is Contagious:  You yawn to equalize the
       pressure on your eardrums.  This pressure change outside
       your eardrums unbalances other people's ear pressures, so
       they must yawn to even it out.

       If an infinite number of rednecks riding in an infinite
       number of pickup trucks fire an infinite number of shotgun
       rounds at an infinite number of highway signs, they will
       eventually produce all the world's great literary works in


       When a cat is dropped, it always lands on its feet, and when
       toast is dropped, it always lands with the buttered side
       facing down.  I propose to strap buttered toast to the back
       of a cat; the two will hover, spinning inches above the
       ground.  With a giant buttered-cat array, a high-speed
       monorail could easily link New York with Chicago.

IJMC June 1997 Archives