IJMC A Pair of Important Quizes

                    IJMC - A Pair of Important Quizes

Any of you who fail to pass this quiz...well, go start reading through 
the entire IJMC archives. You need something else to do.         -dave

 Have you been spending more and more time using the
 Internet?  Have your cheeks taken on that pasty white glow
 from over-exposure to your computer monitor?  How do you
 know if you're addicted to the Net and losing touch with
 reality?  Take the Net Addict's Reality Test.
 Answer the following multiple choice questions and check out
 your score to see if you should be concerned:
 1.  What do you think are good names for children?
         a) Scott and Jenny.
         b) Bill Gates IV.
         c) Mozilla and Dotcom.
 2.  What's a telephone?
         a) A thing with a round dial you use to talk to others.
         b) A telecommunications device with 12 keys.
         c) Something you plug into a modem.
 3.  Which punctuation is most correct?
         a) I had a wonderful day!
         b) I had a **wonderful** day!!!
         c) I had a wonderful day :-)
 4.  You wake up at 4:00 a.m. and decide to:
         a) Visit the washroom.
         b) Raid the fridge.
         c) Check your E-mail.
 5.  What are RAM and ROM?
         a) A male sheep and a city in Italy.
         b) Hulking stars of the WWF.
         c) I need more of the former and should upgrade the
 6.  To avoid a virus you should:
         a) Stay away from people who sneeze and cough.
         b) Never read E-mail titled "Good Times".
         c) Use virus scanning software every time you boot
 7.  When you want to buy something hard-to-find you:
         a) Ask friends where to purchase it.
         b) Check out the Yellow Pages.
         c) Go to Yahoo!
 8.  When you don't understand how to use a new appliance
         a) Call the retailer.
         b) Call the manufacturer's toll-free number.
         c) Visit the manufacturer's Web site and look for
            the FAQ.
 9.  When you want to see all the beautiful people you:
         a) Visit a club on a Saturday night.
         b) Turn on the TV and tune in to Baywatch.
         c) Check out the alt.binary newsgroups.
 10. How do you introduce yourself at a party?
         a) Hi, I'm Jane!
         b) Hi, I'm a Taurus on the cusp.
         c) Hi, I'm a 5'10" hot blonde with a super bod.
 11. When you're interested in someone at a party you say:
         a) Tell me more about yourself.
         b) What's your star sign?
         c) What's your Profile?
 12. If you really like the person, you say:
         a) Could you tell me your phone number?
         b) What's your E-mail address?
         c) Let's chat Private.
 13. When I say spam, you think:
         a) Ham in a can.
         b) Unsolicited advertising E-mail.
         c) I mailbomb all spammers!
 14. When you receive an AOL trial diskette, you say:
         a) I don't need another mug coaster.
         b) Great!  I'll reformat and use it for backups.
         c) Great!  I'll sign up under a fake ID and use up
            the 50 hours.
 15. When you want to research a reference you:
         a) Open up a volume of your encyclopedia.
         b) Slip Encarta in your CD-ROM drive.
         c) Go to www.altavista.digital.com.
 16. When you write a letter you:
         a) Put pencil to paper.
         b) Open Eudora.
         c) Ask: What's a letter?  Is it like E-mail?
 17. Different types of text formatting include:
         a) Writing and printing.
         b) Underline and double-strike.
         c) Bold and italic.
 18. You correct errors using:
         a) An eraser.
         b) White-out.
         c) Backspace or delete.
 19. You sign your name:
         a) Best regards, John Smith.
         b) See you in IRC, John_Smith.
         c) Check out my home page for the cool links,
 20. To keep a copy of your letter you:
         a) Insert a carbon and a second sheet.
         b) Take it to the photocopier.
         c) Check your Sent Mail folder.
 SCORING:  Give yourself zero points for each "a" response, five for 
 each "b" and 10 for each "c".
 If you scored 150 or higher, unplug your computer and log
 more hours in real life.
 If you scored between 50 and 145, you're living a good mix
 of Net and reality.
 If you scored under 50, you probably didn't read this far.
 There are enough crazy people in the world, proving that it's strange 
 world after all, it's a strange world after all, it's a strange world 
 after all, it's a strange, strange world.

-------------------------------<Take Two>--------------------------------

  1. Describe your problem:
  2. Now, describe your problem accurately:
  3. Speculate wildly about the cause of the problem:
  4. Problem Severity:
  A. Minor__
  B. Minor__
  C. Minor__
  D. Trivial__
  5. Nature of the problem:
  A. Locked Up__
  B. Frozen__
  C. Hung__
  D. Shot__
  6. Is your computer plugged in? Yes__ No__
  7. Is it turned on? Yes__ No__
  8. Have you tried to fix it yourself? Yes__ No__
  9. Have you made it worse? Yes__
  10. Have you read the manual? Yes__ No__
  11. Are you sure you've read the manual? Yes__ No__
  12. Are you absolutely certain you've read the manual? No__
  13. Do you think you understood it? Yes__ No__
  14. If `Yes' then why can't you fix the problem yourself?
  15. How tall are you? Are you above this line? ___________________
  16. What were you doing with your computer at the time the problem
  17. If `nothing' explain why you were logged in.
  18. Are you sure you aren't imagining the problem? Yes__ No__
  19. How does this problem make you feel?
  20. Tell me about your childhood.
  21. Do you have any independent witnesses of the problem? Yes__ No__
  22. Can't you do something else, instead of bothering me? Yes__

IJMC June 1997 Archives