IJMC Getting There...

                      IJMC - Getting There...

Well, this marks three down, with Buckwheat dead (died in the hospital, 
where else?) and one to go.                                       -dave







 By Scott Hanson; excerpted from the Orlando Sentinel Star newspaper
 
 My father died on Jan 02, 1995. He left no forwarding address.
 
 Therefore, it fell to me to collect his mail. I didn't expect much
 really, since my sisters and I had been careful to notify his bank,
 insurance agent and a host of other businesses that one of their
 customers was no more.
 
 You would think a death notice would cut down on the amount of
 correspondence from those firms. Quite the contrary. Instead -- for
 months, mind you -- my deceased father continued to receive mail
 from companies that had been told of his passing but pressed on,
 determined to contact him anyway.
 
 The first to hope for a reply from beyond the grave was my father's
 bank.
 
     Dear Mr. Hanson,
     Our records indicate payment is due for overdraft
     protection on your checking account. Efforts to
     contact you have proven unsuccessful. Therefore, we
     are automatically withdrawing your monthly $28.00
     service charge from you account. Please adjust your
     records accordingly.
     Sincerely,
     The Phoenix Branch
 
     Dear Phoenix Branch,
     This is to notify you once again that Mr. Hanson died
     Jan 02, 1995. It is therefore unlikely he will be
     overdrawing his account. Please close his account, and
     adjust your books accordingly.
     Sincerely,
     Scott Hansom
 
 Later that same week, I receive this note from Dad's insurance
 company. Again, this is a firm that had been told in no uncertain
 terms of his death.
 
     Dear Mr. Hanson,
     It's time to renew your auto insurance policy! To
     continue your coverage, you must send $54.17 to this
     office immediately. Failure to do so will result in
     the cancellation of your policy, and interruption of
     your coverage.
     Sincerely,
     Your Insurance Agent
     
     Dear Insurance Agent,
     This is to remind you that Mr. Hanson has been dead
     since January. As such, the odds he'll be involved in
     a collision are quite minimal. Please cancel the
     policy, and adjust your books accordingly.
     Sincerely,
     Scott Hanson.
 
 The next day, I went to my mailbox to find this:
 
     Dear Mr. Hanson,
     Let me introduce myself. I am a psychic reader, and it
     is very important that you contact me immediately. I
     sense that you are about to enter a time of
     unprecedented financial prosperity. Please call the
     enclosed 900 number immediately, so I can tell you how
     best to take full advantage of the opportunities that
     are coming your way.
     Sincerely,
     Your Psychic Reader
     
     Dear Psychic Reader,
     My father regrets he will be unable to call you 900
     number. As a psychic reader, I'm sure you already know
     my father is dead, and had been for more that three
     weeks when you mailed your letter to him. I sense my
     father would be more than happy to take you up on your
     offer of a psychic reading, should you care to meet
     with him personally.
     Sincerely,
     Scott Hanson
     P.S. Should you be in contact with my father in the
     future, please ask him if he'd like to renew his car
     insurance.
 
 A few months of calm passed, and then these arrived:
 
     Dear Mr. Hanson,
     Our records indicate a balance of $112 has accrued for
     overdraft protection on your checking account. Efforts
     to contact you have proven unsuccessful. Please pay
     the minimum amount due, or contact this office to make
     other arrangements.
     We appreciate your business and look forward to serving
     all of your future borrowing needs.
     Sincerely,
     Your Bank's San Diego
     District Office
     
     Dear San Diego District Office,
     I am writing to you for the third time now to tell you
     my father died in January. Since then, the number of
     checks he's written has dropped dramatically. Being
     dead, he has no plans to use his overdraft protection
     or pay even the minimum amount due for a service he no
     longer needs.
     As for future borrowing needs, well, don't hold your
     breath.
     Sincerely,
     Scott Hanson
     
     Dear Mr. Hanson,
     Records show you owe a balance of $54.17 to your
     insurance agent. Efforts to contact you have proven
     unsuccessful. Therefore, the matter has been turned
     over to us for collection.
     Please remit the amount of $54.17 to our office or we
     will be forced to take legal action to collect the debt.
     Sincerely,
     Your Insurance Agent's Collection Agency
     
     Dear Collection Agency,
     I told your client. Now I'm telling you. Dad's dead.
     He doesn't need insurance. He's dead. Dead, dead,
     dead. I doubt even your lawyers can change that.
     Please adjust your books accordingly.
     Sincerely,
     Scott Hanson
 
 A few more months, and:
 
     Dear Mr. Hanson,
     Our records show an unpaid balance of $224 has accrued
     for overdraft protection on your checking account. Our
     efforts to contact you have proven unsuccessful.
     Please remit the amount in full to this office, or the
     matter will be turned over to a collection agency.
     Such action will adversely affect your credit history.
     Sincerely,
     Your Bank's Los Angeles Regional Office
     
     Dear Los Angeles Regional Office,
     I am writing for the fourth time to the fourth person
     at the fourth address to tell your bank that my father
     passed away in January.
     Since that time, I've watched with a mixture of
     amazement and amusement as your bank continues to
     transact business with him. Now, you are even
     threatening his credit history.
     It should come as no surprise that you have received
     little response from my deceased father. It should
     also be small news that his credit history is of minor
     importance to him now.
     For the fourth and final time, please adjust your books
     accordingly.
     Sincerely,
     Scott Hanson
     
     Dear Mr. Hanson,
     This is your final notice of payment due to your
     insurance agent. If our firm does not receive payment
     of $54.17, we will commence legal action on the matter.
     Please contact us at once.
     Sincerely,
     Your Insurance Agent's Collection Agency
     
     Dear Insurance Agent's Collection Agency,
     You may contact my father via the enclosed 900 number.
     Sincerely,
     Scott Hanson
     
 It has now been a couple of months since I've heard from these
 firms. Either the people writing these letters finally believe my
 father is dead, or they themselves have died and are now receiving
 similar correspondence.
 
 Actually, there has been a lesson in these letters. Any one of them
 would be cause for great worry, if sent to a living person. The dead
 are immune from corporate bullying. There's nothing like dying to
 put business correspondence in its proper perspective.
 
 Perhaps that's the best reason not to fear death. There's no post
 office there.
 
 (Scott Hanson is a news reporter and anchor with WESH-Channel 2 in
 Orlando.)



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