IJMC - Don't Go Any Further

At least not if you can't stand a little profanity. We're talking a dirty 
subject. Things you only find near a toilet. Stuff you just don't want to 
talk about. All those poets who find their publisher resides in the can. 
Ok, enough of my trying to be funny, here's a lot of other people who 
think they're funny too.					    -dave







NOTES ON THE BATHROOM WALL

Seen written on both walls:
"TOILET TENNIS - LOOK OTHER SIDE!"
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Some come here to sit and think,
Others come here to shit and stink.
I come here to scratch my balls
and read the writing on the walls.
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"I fucked your mother last night!"
{and right below it in different handwriting:}
"Go home dad, you're drunk."
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My wife follows me everywhere.
{and right below it:}
I do not!!
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"This is where Napoleon pulled his Bonaparte."
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In days of old when knights were bold
and toilets were not invented
They'd lay their load beside the road
and walk away contented.
In days of old when knights were bold
and rubbers were not invented
They'd tie a sock around their cock
and babies were prevented.
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Here I sit with raging shits
just about to lose my wits
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This teepee
For pee pee
Not wigwam
For beating tom-tom.
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I've shit in England
I've shit in France
But before I shit here
I'll shit in my pants
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Why are you looking up? The joke is in your hands
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As I sit, I Contemplate,
Should I shit or masturbate?
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How dry I am.
How wet I'll be.
If I don't find the bathroom key.
I found the key.
I opened the door.
It's too late now.
It's on the floor.
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Driving down the highway, doing 94
grandma laid another one, blew me out the door.
The engine couldn't take it and the motor fell apart
all because my grandma had to rip a giant fart...
Fe Fi Fo Fum grandma laid another one
Fe Fi Fo Fum bigger than the other one.
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Here I sit so broken hearted
Came to shit, but only farted
Then one day
I took a chance
Thought I'd fart
But shit my pants!
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What do you call a vegetarian with diarrhea?
Salad Shooter!
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Anybody can piss on the floor.
Be a hero and shit on the ceiling.
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So here I sit, ass muscles flexin
Giving birth to another texan
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Liquor, Wine, Beer, No Matter
I Drank Until I filled My Bladder.
And as I read the Crap House News,
I somehow Pissed On Both My Shoes.
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Birdie birdie
In the sky
Why did you poopoo
In my eye?
I didn't sigh
And I didn't cry
Just thank God
That cows don't fly.