IJMC - The Wonderful World of Innuendo

For a while now I've avoided sending explicit texts over the IJMC since a 
few parents complained their children see these texts. First off, I would 
prefer the parents maintain their responsibility in raising their 
children. Yet it is easy for me to do given the number of submissions I 
do receive. Tonight post however, is so filled with innuendo and 
double-talk that I'm not at all worried about children reading it. If 
they understand it, they already knew what it was talking about, and if 
they don't understand it, well, darn. So, with that out of the way, read 
on and enjoy another discussion from a courtroom.                   -dave







 One evening after attending the theatre, two cowboys were walking down
 the avenue when they observed a rather well-dressed and attractive lady
 just ahead of them. One of them turned to the other and remarked, "I'd
 give $50 to spend the night with that woman." To their surprise, the
 young lady overheard the remark and, turning around, said, "I'll take
 you up on that." She had a neat appearance and a pleasant voice so after
 bidding his companion adieu, the man accompanied the lady to her
 apartment where they immediately went to bed.

 The following morning he presented her with $25 as he prepared to go.
 She demanded the rest of the money, stating, "If you don't give me the
 rest of the $50, I'll sue you for it." He laughed, "I'd like to see you
 get it on these grounds." The next day he was surprised when he received
 a summons ordering his appearance in court. The defendant's lawyer said,
 "She can't possibly get a judgment against you on such grounds, but it
 will be interesting to see how her case will be presented after the
 usual preliminaries." The lady's lawyer addressed the court as follows:

            "Your Honor, my client, this lady, is the owner of a
            piece of property, a colorful garden spot with ideal
            temperatures, conditions for social activity surrounded
            by a profuse growth of shrubbery, which property she
            agreed to rent to the defendant for a specified length
            of time for the sum of $50. The defendant took
            possession of the property, used it extensively for the
            purpose for which it was rented, but on vacating the
            premises he paid her only $25, one half of the amount
            agreed upon. The rent was not expensive, but it was
            restricted property in a private zone, and we ask
            judgment to be granted against the defendant to assure
            payment of the balance."

 The defendant's lawyer was impressed and amused at the way his opponent
 had prepared and presented the case. His defense, therefore, was
 somewhat altered from the way he had originally planned to present it.

            "Your Honor," he said, "my client agrees that the young
            lady had a fine piece of property, that he did rent the
            property for a time, and a degree of pleasure was
            received from the transaction; however, my client found
            a well on the property around which he placed his own
            stones, sunk a shaft, erected a pump, and initiated
            pumping operations personally performed by him, which
            produced results mutually beneficial. We claim these
            improvements to the property and the mutual benefit
            resulting adequately compensate for the rental of said
            property. We will, therefore, ask the judgment not be
            granted."

 Then the young lady's lawyer came back:

            "Your Honor, my client agrees that the defendant did
            find a well on her property, that he did make
            improvements, and did produce favorable results such as
            my opponent describes; however, had the defendant not
            known the well existed, he would never have rented the
            property. Also, upon vacating the premises the
            defendant removed his stones, pulled out the shaft, and
            took his pump with him. In doing so, he not only
            dragged his equipment through the shrubbery, but also
            left the hole much larger than it was prior to his
            occupancy, requiring extensive mop up operations and
            making it easily accessible to little children. We
            therefore ask judgment be granted."

                                        AND SHE GOT IT!