IJMC - Theory vs. Reality

This one shows us the difference between theory and reality in a personal 
kind of way. If you have a problem with language or sexual innuendo, you 
probably shouldn't be on this list. If you don't, read on. And enjoy the 
bonus attached due to my forgetting to send this out last night.    -dave







A father, upon walking through his kitchen, observes his son studying.  The son
mutters under his breath, "I'll never be able to complete this assignment."
The father inquires, "Son, what's this assignment that appears to be causing you
such difficulty?"
The son replies, "Dad, my professor has given me an impossible assignment! He
has asked us to compose an essay describing the difference between theory and
reality.  I can't think of any concrete examples.  What am I going to do?"
The father responds, "The assignment isn't as difficult as it first appears.
Son, go ask your mother if she would have sex with a strange man for a million
dollars."
The son looks to his father with dismay.  "What does that have to do with
anything?"
"Go ahead, boy."  The father waits for his son's return, and asks, "What did she
tell you?"
"Well, at first she said no.  Then she thought about it, and said, 'Yes, I think
I would.  I could pay off the house, send you and your sister to school, and
your father and I could live without worry for the rest of our years.'"
The father responded, "Son, now go ask your sister the same question."
The boy obeyed, and returned with his sisters response, "She said, 'Oh yeah! I
could buy a new car, my own home, and I could go to any college I wanted.'"
The father smiled, looked to his son, and asked, "Son, would you have sex with a
strange man for a million dollars?" Angrily the boy replied, "Hell no!  What's
the matter with you old man?"
"Son, think a while before you answer."
The boy paused a moment, contemplated the question, and finally admitted, "Yes,
father, I believe I would.  I could get that new motorcycle, any car that I
wanted, my own place, and I would never have to work again."
Amused, the father concluded, "Well son, there's the example for your essay."
"Huh?  What does that have to do with anything?"
The father replied, "In theory, we have three millionaires in this house.  In
reality, we have two whores and a cocksucker."


----------------[And as a bonus for the delay... -dave]---------------------


Passed along from Glenn Austin:

    My Very First Time
     
        The sky was dark
        The moon was high
        All alone just she and I
        Her hair was soft
        Her eyes were blue
        I knew just what
        She wanted to do
        Her skin so soft
        Her legs so fine
        I ran my fingers
        Down her spine
        I didn't know how
        But I tried my best
        I started by placing
        My hands on her breast
        I remember my fear
        My fast beating heart
        But slowly she spread
        Her legs apart
        And when I did it
        I felt no shame
        All at once
        The white stuff came
        At last it's finished
        It's all over now
        My first time ever
        At milking a cow.....

Man, have you got a filthy mind.