IJMC - I'll Take 20 Pounds, Thanks


Talk about a revolution in dieting, if this one ever catches on, I'll be 
sure to check my credit card limit...                              -dave

P.S. I decided it was "ijmc material."





Hey Ambassador, I got this one;  I"m never sure what's ijmc material, but
somebody might like this piece of junk. Your call. /C

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Did you hear about the heavyset guy who had tried every diet in the world in
an attempt to lose weight?  He tried the Scarsdale diet, the Navy diet,
Weight Watchers, and many more. None worked.

Then, one day, he was reading the Washington Post when he noticed a small ad
that read:

     Lose weight
     Only $1.00 a pound
     Call (202) 555-0238

The man decided to give it a try and called the number. A voice on the other
end asked, "How much weight do you want to lose?"

The man responded, "Ten pounds."

The voice replied, "Very well, give me your credit card number and we"ll
have a representative over to your house in the morning."

About 9:00 am the next morning the man gets a knock on the door.  There
stood a beautiful redhead, completely naked except for a sign around her
neck stating, "If you catch me, you can have me."

Well, the hefty fellow chased her upstairs, downstairs, over sofas, through
the kitchen, all around the house. Finally, panting and wheezing like a dog,
he did catch her.  When he was through enjoying himself, she said, "Quick,
go into the bathroom and weigh yourself."  He did just that and was amazed
to find that he had lost ten pounds, right to the ounce!

That evening he called the number again.  The voice on the other end asked,
"How much weight do you want to lose?" to which the
somewhat-less-overweight man replied, "Twenty pounds."

"Very well," the voice on the phone told him, "Give me your credit card
number, and we"ll have a representative over to your house in the morning."

At about 8:00 am the next morning the man receives a knock on the door.
 When he opens the door he sees a beautiful blonde dressed only in track
shoes and a sign around her neck stating, "If you catch me, you can have
me."  The chase took a good while longer this time and the man nearly passed
out, but he finally did catch her.  When he was through she told him,
"Quick, run into the bathroom and weigh yourself."  He ran to the bathroom
and found he had lost another 20 pounds!

"This is fantastic!" he thought to himself.  Later that evening he called
the number again and the voice at the other end asked, "How  much weight do
you want to lose?"  "Fifty pounds!" the man exclaimed.  "Fifty pounds?" the
voice asked, "That"s an awful lot of weight to lose at one time."  The man
replied, "Listen buddy, here"s my credit card number, you just have your
representative over here in the morning!" and he hung up the phone.

About 6:00 am the next morning the man gets out of bed, splashes on some
cologne and gets all ready for the next representative.

At about 7:00 am he gets a knock on the door.  When he opens the door, he
sees this large gorilla with a sign around his neck stating,

     "IF I CATCH YOU, I'M GOING TO SCREW YOU."