IJMC It's Just God and the EPA

                     IJMC - It's Just God and the EPA

In case you didn't know, the EPA is the United State's "Environmental 
Protection Agency." Basically it bails businesses out of cleaning up 
their own messes. Here, we see what happens when God creates the Earth in 
a universe governed by the EPA.                                     -dave

In the Beginning
 God Created heaven and the earth. Quickly he was faced with a class
 action suit for failure to file an environmental impact statement.  He was
 granted a temporary permit for the project, but was stymied with the
 cease and desist order for the earthly part.

 Appearing at the hearing, God was asked why he began his earthly project in
 the first place. He replied that he just liked to be creative.

 Then God said, "Let there be light", and immediately the officials demanded
 to know how the light would be made. Would there be strip mining? What about
 thermal pollution? God explained that the light would come from a
 huge ball of fire. God was granted provisional permission to make
 light, assuming that no smoke would result from the ball of fire: that he
 would obtain a building permit; and to conserve energy, would turn the
 light off half the time. God agreed and said he would call the light
 "Day" and the darkness "Night".  Officials replied that they were not
 interested in semantics.

 God said, "Let the earth bring forth green herb and bear much seed". The
 EPA agreed so long as native seed was used. Then God said, "Let waters bring
 forth creeping creatures begetting life; and the fowl that may fly over the
 earth". Officials pointed out this would require approval from the
 Department of Fish & Game coordinated with the Heavenly Wildlife Federation
 and the National Audubon Society.

 Everything was O.K. until God said he wanted to complete the project in Six
 days. Officials said it would take at least 200 days to review the
 application and environmental impact statement. After that there would be a
 public hearing. Then there would be a 10-12 month approval period before...

 At this point God created Hell.

IJMC February 1997 Archives