IJMC - Now I'm Walkin In Memphis...

...with my feet ten feet off the ground...which is as close as I shall 
ever get to singing the blues. Even with this handy, dandy guide to 
singing the blues. In my case, I'll just use it as a checklist for the 
songs in the upcoming "Blues Brothers 2000" (February 6, 1998, folks). Or 
maybe I won't. Maybe I'll be too busy watching. <grin>              -dave






HOW TO SING THE BLUES
 by Memphis Earlene Gray
 
 1.  Most Blues begin "Woke up this morning..."
 
 2.  "I got a good woman" is a bad way to begin the Blues, unless you stick
     something nasty in the next line.  "I got a good woman -- with the 
     meanest dog in town."
 
 3.  Blues are simple.  After you have the first line right, repeat it.  Then
     find something that rhymes.  "I got a good woman with the meanest dog in
     town.  He got teeth like Margaret Thatcher and he weights 500 pounds."
 
 4.  The Blues are not about limitless choice.
 
 5.  Blues cars are Chevys and Cadillacs.  Other acceptable Blues
     transportation is a Greyhound bus or a southbound train.  "Walkin' " 
     plays a major part in the Blues lifestyle.  So does "fixin' to die".
 
 6.  Teenagers can't sing the Blues.  Adults sing the Blues.
 
 7.  You can have the Blues in New York City, but not in Brooklyn or Queens.
     Hard times in Vermont or North Dakota are just a depression.  Chicago,  
     St. Louis, Kansas City and Birmingham are still the best places to 
     have the Blues.
 
 8.  The following colors do not belong to the Blues:
      a.  orange
      b.  beige
      c.  teal
 
 9.  You can't have the Blues in an office or a honky-tonk.  The lighting is
     wrong.
 
 10.  Good places for the Blues:
        a.  the highway
        b.  the jailhouse
        c.  the empty bed
 
 11.  No one will believe it's the Blues if you wear a suit, unless you
      happen to an old man.
 
 12.  Do you have the right to sing the Blues?  Yes, if
        a.  your first name is a southern state -- like Georgia.
        b.  you're blind.
        No, if:
        a.  you were once blind, but now can see.
        b.  you're deaf.
 
 13.  Neither Frank Sinatra nor Meryl Streep can sing the Blues.
 
 14.  If you ask for water and your baby gives you gasoline, it's the Blues.
      Other Blues beverages are:
        a.  wine.
        b.  Irish whiskey.
        c.  muddy water.
 
 15.  If it occurs in a cheap motel, it's Blues death.
 
 16.  Somes Blues names for women:
        a.  Sadie.
        b.  Big Momma.
 
 17.  Some Blues names for men:
        a.  Willie.
        b.  Joe.
        c.  Little Willie.
        d.  Lightning.
 
 18.  Persons with names like Sierra or Sequoia will not be permitted to 
      sing the Blues no matter how long they live in Memphis.