IJMC - Will the Slamming Ever Stop?

For a company that claims to spend $2 billion U.S. on R&D, you'd have 
thought Microsoft might have figured out how to keep people from ragging 
on them. I mean, it's a simple solution. Make a product that works. That 
will be $250,000 U.S. please.                                      -dave






Dear Abby -

    I am a Vietnam-era deserter from the U. S. Army, and I have
a second cousin who works for Microsoft. My mother peddles Nazi
hate literature to Girl Scouts and my father (a former dentist)
is in jail for 30 years for raping most of his patients while
they were under anesthesia. The sole supporters of our large
family, including myself and my $500-a-week heroin habit, are my
uncle (master pick-pocket Benny "The Fingers") and my aunt and
kid sisters, who are well-known street walkers.

    My problem is this:  I have just gotten engaged to the most
beautiful, sweetest girl in the world. She is just sweet
sixteen, and we are going to marry as soon as she can escape
from reform school.  To support ourselves, we are going to move
to Mexico and start a fake Aztec souvenir factory staffed by
child labor.  We look forward to bringing our kids into the
family business.  But -- I am worried that my family will not
make a good impression on hers, once she has a chance to meet
them.

In your opinion, Abby:  Should I -- or shouldn't I -- let her
know about my second cousin who works for Microsoft?

Regards,

Troubled in Seattle