IJMC - Yet Another Collection of One-Liners

This is almost becoming an annual tradition. Except the last major 
collection was last October (and can be found at the following URL:
http://www.ijmc.com/archives/1996/October/961025.html ). Yes, some of 
these have found their way to the IJMC before. But, well, so what. There 
are some good new ones and enough people haven't seen the old ones. So 
read on, and feel free to compare to last year's batch.            -dave






  If a dwarf convict escapes from prison, is he still considered 'at
      large'?

  If a parsley farmer is sued, can they garnish his wages?

  Can you be a closet claustrophobic?

  If a stealth bomber crashes in a forest, will it make a sound?

  When it rains, why don't sheep shrink?

  If the cops arrest a mime, do they tell her that she has the right to
      remain silent?

  Why is the word abbreviation so long?

  If a book about failures doesn't sell, is it a success?

  What do you do when you discover an endangered animal that eats only
      endangered plants?

  Is it possible to be totally partial?

  What's another word for thesaurus?

  When companies ship Styrofoam, what do they pack it in?

  If it's tourist season, why can't we shoot them?

  Why do they sterilize the needles for lethal injections?

  Why is there an expiration date on my sour cream?

  Why do kamikaze pilots wear helmets?

  How do you know when it's time to tune your bagpipes?

  Is it true that cannibals don't eat clowns because they taste funny?

  When you choke a smurf, what color does it turn?

  Do they have reserved parking for non-handicap people at the Special
      Olympics?

  Do radioactive cats have 18 half-lives?

  If you shoot a mime, should you use a silencer?

  What was the best thing before sliced bread?

  How does a thermos know when to keep something hot, hot... and something
      cold, cold?

  What is the speed of dark?

  Why are there Braille signs on drive-up ATM's?

  How come you never hear about gruntled employees?

  What is a "free" gift?  Aren't all gifts free?

  After eating, do amphibians have to wait one hour before getting out of
      the water?

  If white wine goes with fish, do white grapes go with sushi?

  What's another word for synonym?

  If someone with multiple personalities threatens to kill himself, is it
      considered a hostage situation?

  When sign makers go on strike, what is written on their picket signs?

  Where do forest rangers go to "get away from it all"?

  Why isn't there mouse-flavored cat food?

  How can there be self-help groups?

  Why are cigarettes sold in gas stations when smoking is prohibited there?

  If a cow laughed, would milk come out her nose?

  Why are there interstate highways in Hawaii?