IJMC - Anyone Hungry Yet?

I'm finding myself in the mood for something foreign tonight, perhaps 
something south of the border...American chicken just isn't enough to 
satisfy this hunger tonight. It's Sunday folks, and you all know what 
that means...five more days til next Friday. Two weekends in a row? How 
long is this going to last?                                       -dave






Subject: DIRECTIONS for MICROSOFT TV DINNER


1.  You must first remove the plastic cover.  By doing so you agree to
accept and honor Microsoft rights to all TV dinners.

2.  You may not give anyone else a bite of your dinner (which would
constitute an infringement of Microsoft's rights).  You may, however, let 
others smell and look at your dinner and are encouraged to tell them how
good it is.

3.  If you have a PC microwave oven, insert the dinner into the oven.
Set the oven using these keystrokes:  \mstv.dinn.//08.5min@50%heat// 
Then enter: <ms//start.cook_dindin/yummy\|/yum~yum:-)gohot#cookme.

4.  If you have a Mac oven, insert the dinner and press start.  The oven
will set itself and cook the dinner.  Be forewarned that Microsoft dinners
may crash, in which case your oven must be restarted.

5.  Remove the dinner from the oven and enter
<ms.nodamned.good/tryagain\again/again.crap.  This process may have
to be repeated.  Try unplugging the microwave and then doing a cold
reboot. If this doesn't work, contact your hardware vendor.

6.  Many users have reported that the dinner tray is far too big, larger
than the dinner itself, having many useless compartments, most of which
are empty. These are for future menu items.

7.  If the tray is too large to fit in your oven you will need to upgrade
your equipment.

8.  Dinners are only available from registered outlets, and only the
chicken variety is currently produced.

9.  If you want another variety, call Microsoft Help and they will explain
that you really don't want another variety.  Microsoft Chicken is all you
really need.

10.  Microsoft has disclosed plans to discontinue all smaller versions of
their chicken dinners.  Future releases will only be in the larger family
size.

11.  Excess chicken may be stored for future use, but must be saved
only in Microsoft approved packaging.

12.  Microsoft promises a dessert with every dinner after '98.  However,
that version has yet to be released.  Users have permission to get 
thrilled in advance.

13.  Microsoft dinners may be incompatible with other dinners in the
freezer, causing your freezer to self-defrost.  This is a feature, not a
bug.  Your freezer probably should have been defrosted anyway.