IJMC Time Sheets

                            IJMC - Time Sheets

They forgot one new number:
   6205     Sending junk mail to mail list over company Internet.
I guess nobody is perfect, eh? BTW, if you didn't know, formatting hard 
drives with Win95 installed is lots of fun...                     -dave

From: mikf (Michael Farrell, Personnel Director)
To:   department-heads
Subj: Miscellaneous Unproductive Time

   It has come to my attention recently that many people have been turning
in timesheets that specify large amounts of "Miscellaneous Unproductive
Time" (code 5309).  To our department, unproductive time isn't a problem.
What is a problem is not knowing exactly what people are doing during their
unproductive time.
   I've attached a sheet specifying a tentative extended job list based on
my observations of employee activities.  The list will allow you to specify
with a fair amount of precision what you are doing during your unproductive
time.  Please distribute this as necessary, and let me know about any

        Thanks!   Jim

Attached: Extended Job List

Job number              Explanation
----------              -----------
5316                    Meeting
5317                    Obstructing Communications at Meeting
5318                    Trying to Sound Knowledgeable While in Meeting
5319                    Waiting for Break
5320                    Waiting for Lunch
5321                    Waiting for End of Day
5322                    Vicious Verbal Attacks Directed at Coworker
5323                    Vicious Verbal Attacks Directed at Coworker
                           While Coworker is not Present
5393                    Covering for Incompetence of Coworker Friend
5400                    Trying to Explain Concept to Coworker Who
                           is not Interested in Learning
5401                    Trying to Explain Concept to Coworker Who
                           is Stupid
5402                    Trying to Explain Concept to Coworker Who
                           Hates You
5481                    Buying Snack
5482                    Eating Snack
5500                    Filling Out Timesheet
5501                    Inventing Timesheet Entries
5502                    Waiting for Something to Happen
5503                    Scratching Yourself
5504                    Sleeping
5510                    Feeling Bored
5511                    Feeling Horny
5600                    Bitching About Lousy Job
5601                    Bitching About Low Pay
5602                    Bitching About Long Hours
5603                    Bitching About Coworker (see jobs #5322, #5323)
5604                    Bitching About Boss
5605                    Bitching About Personal Problems
5640                    Miscellaneous Unproductive Bitching
5909                    Sexual Intercourse
6102                    Ordering Out
6103                    Waiting for Food Delivery to Arrive
6104                    Taking it Easy While Digesting Food
6200                    Using Company Resources for Personal Profit
6201                    Stealing Company Goods
6202                    Making Excuses after Accidentally Destroying
                           Company Goods
6203                    Using Company Phone to Make Long-Distance Personal
6204                    Using Company Phone to Make Long-Distance Personal
                           Calls to Fence in Order to Sell Stolen Company
6206                    Gossip
6207                    Planning a Social Event (e.g.: vacation, wedding...)
6210                    Feeling Sorry For Yourself
6213                    Making Passes at Coworker
6214                    Sexually Harassing Coworker
6221                    Pretending to Work While Boss Is Watching
6222                    Pretending to Enjoy Your Job
6223                    Pretending You Like Coworker
6224                    Pretending You Like Important People When in Reality
                           They are Jerks
6238                    Miscellaneous Unproductive Fantasizing
6350                    Playing Pranks on the New Guy
6601                    Running your own Business on Company Time (see #6603)
6602-XXXX               Doing job XXXX at your own Business (e.g.:
                          6602-6213, Making Passes at Coworker in Your Business
                          6602-5600, Complaining About Difficulties in Your
6603                    Writing a Book on Company Time
6611                    Staring Into Space
6612                    Staring At Computer Screen
6615                    Transcendental Meditation
7281                    Extended Visit to the Bathroom (at least 10 minutes)
7400                    Talking With Divorce Lawyer on Phone
7401                    Talking With Plumber on Phone
7402                    Talking With Dentist on Phone
7403                    Talking With Doctor on Phone
7404                    Talking With Masseuse on Phone
7405                    Talking With House Painter on Phone
7406                    Talking With Personal Therapist on Phone
7419                    Talking With Miscellaneous Paid Professional on Phone
7425                    Talking With Mistress on Phone
7931                    Asking Coworker to Aid You in an Illicit Activity
8000                    Recreational Drug Use


From: ts (Terry Hill, Office Manager)
To:   mikf
Subj: About those job numbers...

Mike, just look at Peter's timesheet for this week.

Day  Job description                    Job number              Hours
---  --- -----------                    --- ------              -----
MON  Feeling horny                      5511                    2.5
     Bitching about this job            5600                    1.5
     Calling up girlfriend on
       company phone                    6203                    1
     Pretending to work while Terry
       is watching                      6221                    1
     Break                              5310                    1
     Waiting for bell to sound
       so I can leave                   5321                    1

TUE  Feeling horny                      5511                    2
     Bitching about low pay             5601                    1.5
     Making passes at Kathy             6213                    1
     Printing copies of "Kama Sutra"
       on company laser printer         6200                    2.5
     Break                              5310                    1

WED  Sleeping                           5504                    1.5
     Feeling horny                      5511                    .5
     Break                              5310                    1
     Pretending to work while Terry
        is watching                     6221                    2.5
     Sending copies of "Kama Sutra" to
        friends in Hawaii using company
        fax                             6200                    2
     Joint in men's room                8000                    .5

THU  Making passes at Kathy             6213                    3.5
     Bitching about this job            5600                    1
     Feeling horny                      5511                    2
     Break                              5310                    1
     Waiting for bell so I can leave    5321                    .5

FRI  Finding lookout to make sure
       nobody enters broom closet       7931                    .5
     Having sex with Kathy in broom
       closet                           5909                    1
     Bitching about this dead-end job   5600                    .5
     Feeling horny                      5511                    1
     Getting Eric to turn in my
       timesheet so I can leave early   7931                    .5
     Miscellaneous unproductive time    5309                    4.5

Your policy needs to be revised ASAP.



From: mikf (Michael Farrell, Personnel Director)
To:   th
Subj: Re:  About those job numbers...

   I looked at the timesheet and you are absolutely right.  I can't believe
what a mistake I made.
   Obviously, Peter left early on Friday, but due to my oversight, was forced
to put code 5309 down.  This is a serious inaccuracy.  I've added a couple of
job numbers which will fix this problem and future problems:

5701                    Not Actually Present At Job
5702                    Suffering From Eight-Hour Flu

   Distribute these numbers as before, and this won't happen again.

   Thank you for promptly discovering and pointing out this error,


From: th (Terry Hill, Office Manager)
To:   mikf
Subj: Re:  About those job numbers...


I think you missed the point of my letter.  The point was that what Peter
was doing on company time is unacceptable.  However, because of your new
system, he was able to put down officially approved numbers for all of
his activities.  I'd never be able to fire him, because in case of a lawsuit,
our policy would be publicized, and we'd become the laughingstock of the

A copy of this letter and Peter's timesheet is being sent to the president.
Please work with him to resolve this issue.



From: gary (Gary Lorenz, President)
To:   th mikf
Subj: peter's timesheet.

mike and terry, i'm disappointed that you couldn't work out a solution without
appealing to higher authority.

i have promoted peter to office manager in another department. mike, you will
need to add the following numbers:

     8100 - Bragging to Girlfriend About Promotion
     8101 - Using Position of Authority and Power to Score with Office Babes

i think this is a situation where we all win. terry doesn't have an employee
that he is unhappy with anymore, mike doesn't need to abandon his new job
numbers which he has obviously put a lot of work into, and peter gets a better
job and the official "okay" to enjoy the fruits of his labor.


IJMC September 1996 Archives