IJMC - Memorable Quotes

It may not be quite what they said, but what a world it would be if they 
had! As a warning, if you don't like the first two, they don't change 
much. It ain't pretty, but it can be funny...                      -dave




"Hey Chuck, nice knife!"
    - Childhood friend of Charles Manson, now deceased

"Excuse me sir, is this your penis?"
    -The guy who found Bobbit's dick

"I thought it would make a wicked wave to surf on."
    - Moses, talking about the real reason he parted the Red Sea

"I think we will have to drop the charges, the evidence won't
stand up in court."
    - The prosecuting attourney in the Bobbit trial

"Well, they were right, it does taste like chicken."
    - One of the survivors of the Himalayan plane crash

"I told you damn rabbits 'Only two!'."
    - Noah, loading up the Ark

"AAAAAAAHHHHHHHHHHH!!!!!!!!!!!"
    - Ben Franklin, the moment he discovered electricity

"Ow, ow, hey, ow, fuck off, stop it, ow, ow, stop it!"
    - Rodney King

"Maybe we should tie one end down...ya think?"
    - An observer of the first (failed) Bungee jump

"Maybe we should use something elastic...ya think?"
    - Same observer at the second (failed) Bungee jump

"Hoooooooollllllllyyyyyyyyyy  Shhhhhiiiiiiiiiitttttttttttt !!!"
    - The first person to ever atempt Bungee jumping

"My legs! Arghhh! My fucking legs!!!!!"
    - The second person to ever attempt Bungee jumping

"I can't believe people laugh at this shit."
    - Steve Martin, contemplating anything he has ever done

"Now what the fuck do I do?"
    - The Russian cosmonaut after the collapse of the Soviet
      Union

"What the hell are you trying to say?"
    - Any dog looking at its owner

"I still can't understand why anyone buys this shit."
    - The brewers at Labatt, discussing 50

"Now how come I didn't think of that?"
    - The owner of a little book depository in Dallas

"Wow, some lady walked into my room, picked me up, and put her
breast in my mouth. I liked it!"
    - A baby boys first tangeable thought

"What the..."
    - Famous last words of anyone stepping out in front of a
      truck

"No, I didn't mean I believe I _am_ Jesus Christ, I meant I
believe *IN* Jesus Christ!"
    - David Koresh, trying to get his ass out of the fire

"Uh, just kidding!?!"
    - David Koresh, still trying to get his ass out of the fire

"Guess I shouldn't have pissed them off."
    - Saddam Hussein, talking to one of his advisors, right 
      before the Americans attacked

"Hey!  Give me my fucking arm back!"
    - One of Jeffery Dahlmers victims

"This is good Jeff, what is it?"
    - One of Jeffery Dahlmers friends, having dinner that evening

"Hey!  Come on Jeff, now put the knife down!"
    - Jeffery Dahlmers friend, later that evening

"Holy shit!  I'm boiling human heads! What the fuck am I thinking?!"
    - Jeffery Dahlmer's momentary lapse of sanity

"What pretty lights!"
    - Any deer, any highway, late at night

"Get me a bitch, I'm really horny!"
    - What Lassie was really trying to say when Timmy fell down 
      the well

"Watch me pull up nice and close to this iceberg."
    - The captain of the Titanic, trying to impress on of the 
      female passengers

"Chuck!  You made it, and you brought some friends!"
    - The host of the party the Manson family stormed

"Rats!  Big Motherfucking Rats!"
    - Walt Disney, when asked what his vision for Disney World was