IJMC - Driving In India

And I thought the drivers in Boston were crazy. To give credit where 
credit is due though, Boston drivers seem to have divine oversight 
keeping them from hitting each other. How they manage to continually miss 
one another, I never figured out, but they do. They're still crazy. 
However, according to this, the Indians are even worse!             -dave





The following item was extracted from the travel section of a UK daily
newspaper:

Travelling in India is an almost hallucinatory potion of sound, spectacle and
experience.  It is frequently heart-rending, sometimes hilarious, mostly
exhilarating, always unforgettable - and, when you are on the roads, extremely
dangerous.

Most Indian road users observe a version of the Highway Code based on an ancient
text.  These 12 rules of the Indian road are published for the first time in
English.

ARTICLE I The assumption of immortality is required of all road users.

ARTICLE II The following precedence must be accorded at all times.  In
descending order, give way to:  cows, elephants, heavy trucks, buses, official
cars, camels, light trucks, buffalo, Jeeps, ox-carts, private cars, motorcycles,
scooters, auto-rickshaws, pigs, pedal rickshaws, goats, bicycles (goods-
carrying), handcarts, bicycles (passenger-carrying), dogs, pedestrians.

ARTICLE III All wheeled vehicles shall be driven in accordance with the maxim:
to slow is to falter, to brake is to fail, to stop is defeat.  This is the
Indian drivers' mantra.

ARTICLE IV Use of horn (also known as the sonic fender or aural amulet):  Cars
(IV,1,a-c):  Short blasts (urgent) indicate supremacy, ie in clearing dogs,
rickshaws and pedestrians from path.  Long blasts (desperate) denote
supplication, ie to oncoming truck, "I am going too fast to stop, so unless you
slow down we shall both die".  In extreme cases this may be accompanied by
flashing of headlights (frantic).  Single blast (casual) means "I have seen
someone out of India's 870 million whom I recognize", "There is a bird in the
road (which at this speed could go through my windscreen)" or "I have not blown
my horn for several minutes."  Trucks and buses (IV,2,a):  All horn signals have
the same meaning, viz, "I have an all-up weight of approximately 12.5 tons and
have no intention of stopping, even if I could."  This signal may be emphasized
by the use of headlamps (insouciant).  Article IV remains subject to the
provision of Order of Precedence in Article II above

ARTICLE V All manoeuvres, use of horn and evasive action shall be left until the
last possible moment.

ARTICLE VI In the absence of seat belts (which there is), car occupants shall
wear garlands of marigolds.  These should be kept fastened at all times.

ARTICLE VII Rights of way:  Traffic entering a road from the left has priority.
So has traffic from the right, and also traffic in the middle.  Lane discipline
(VII,1):  All Indian traffic at all times and irrespective of direction of
travel shall occupy the centre of the road.

ARTICLE VIII Roundabouts:  India has no roundabouts.  Apparent traffic islands
in the middle of crossroads have no traffic management function.  Any other
impression should be ignored.

ARTICLE IX Overtaking is mandatory.  Every moving vehicle is required to
overtake every other moving vehicle, irrespective of whether it has just
overtaken you.  Overtaking should only be undertaken in suitable conditions,
such as in the face of oncoming traffic, on blind bends, at junctions and in the
middle of villages/city centres.  No more than two inches should be allowed
between your vehicle and the one you are passing - and one inch in the case of
bicycles or pedestrians.

ARTICLE X Nirvana may be obtained through the head-on crash.

ARTICLE XI Reversing:  no longer applicable since no vehicle in India has
reverse gear.

ARTICLE XII The 10th incarnation of God was as an articulated tanker.