IJMC A Computer (Geek's) Sex Life

                  IJMC - A Computer (Geek's) Sex Life

All I'm doing is passing it along, I had NOTHING to do with its creation. 
At least not that I know of, and I will deny anyone claiming otherwise. 
Geekdom reigns supreme, and I distribute it as I can...             -dave

P.S. Ok, now who wants to turn this into a fully rendered computer animation?

                        **A Computer's Sex Life**

Micro was a real-time operator and a dedicated multi-user. His broadband
protocol made it easy for him to interface with numerous input/output
devices, even if it meant time-sharing.
     One evening he arrived home just as the Sun was crashing, and had
parked his Motorola 68000 in the main drive (he had missed the 5100 bus
that morning), when he noticed an elegant piece of liveware admiring the
daisy wheels in his garden.  He though to himself, "She looks
user-friendly. I'll see if she'd like an update tonight."
     He browsed over to her casually, admiring the power of her twin 32 bit
floating point processors, and inquired, "How are you, Honeywell?"
     "Yes, I am well", she responded, batting her optical fibers
engagingly and smoothing her console over her curvilinear functions.
     Micro settled for a straight line approximation. "I'm stand-alone
tonight", he said. "How about computing a vector to my base address? I'll
output a byte to eat and maybe we could get offset later on."
     Mini ran a priority process for 2.6 milliseconds, then transmitted 8K,
"I've been recently dumped myself and a new page is just what I need to
refresh my disk packs. I'll park my machine cycle in your background and
meet you inside." She walked off, leaving Micro admiring her solenoids and
thinking, "Wow, what a global variable! I wonder if she'd like my
     They sat down at the process table to a top of form feed of fiche and
chips and a bottle of Baudot. Mini was in conversational mode and expanded
on ambiguous arguments while Micro gave occasional acknowledgements
although, in reality, he was analyzing the shortest and least critical
path to her entry point. He finally settled on the old line, "Would you
like to see my benchmark subroutine?", but Mini was again one clock tick
     Suddenly, she was up and stripping off her parity bits to reveal the
full functionality of her operating system. "Let's get BASIC, you RAM" she
said. Micro was loaded by this stage, but his hardware  policing module
had a processor of its own and was in danger of overflowing its output
buffer, a hang-up that Micro had consulted his analyst about.
     "Core", was all he could say, as she prepared to log him off.
     Micro soon recovered, however, when she went down on the DEC and
opened her device files to reveal her data set ready. He accessed his
fully packed root device and was about to start pushing into her CPU
stack, when she attempted an escape sequence.
     "No, no!" she cried.  "You're not shielded!"
     "Reset, baby", he replied.  "I've been debugged."
     "But I haven't got my current loop enabled, and I can't support child
processes", she protested.
     "Don't run away", he said. "I'll generate an interrupt."
     "No!" she squealed.  "That's too error prone and I can't abort
because of my design philosophy."
     But Micro was locked in by this stage and could not be turned off.
 Mini stopped his thrashing by introducing a voltage spike into his main
supply, whereupon he fell over with a head crash and went to sleep.
   "Computers!" she thought as she compiled herself.  "All they ever think
of is hex!"

IJMC June 1996 Archives